Monday, November 28, 2005

Livin' With Evils's - Volume 16

Today I have to work, which means that I was expecting a lot of sleep when I went to bed at about 1am hoping for the best. I had been sleeping so horribly this week, so when I woke up at 6:30 I totally freaked out. I had done nothing but sleep through alarms as of late, but this had been the mother of all. I was in the middle of one of the filthiest dreams I had had in months too, so that didn’t exactly make my life any easier! My mind was yelling at me to take care of this tent problem with my blankets, while at the same time beating me up for WAY oversleeping. Sleeping 13 hours a day for the last 4 has really put a damper in all of that free time I had promised myself, after the nightmare of two weeks I had just been through.

I ran to the bathroom tripping over absolutely everything, and of course knocking the only part of my body that was working at the moment against, doorways, floors, the bathroom door, until I finally had my face against the back of the toilet so that I could hopefully urinate INTO the toilet. Damn, the usual spraying off to each side … ack … so now I have to add cleaning up the floor in here before I have a 5 year old playing in my bathroom in daddies piss, while I am at work. Ok that done … I am fumbling to get the shower on so that I can make a vile attempt to clean my nasty, less than showered as of late due to vacation days, self off! This has been a project to since lately every time hot water touches my body I get lost in this erotic fantasy, and then the next thing you know I have simply used up all of the hot water before I even get soap in my hair {oh you all didn’t think while I was being soulful and self seeking I didn’t still have my little quirks did you} so freezing cold hair washing follows which tends to help with the feeling of horny I woke up with finally. I deserved this after all, so I simply let every part of my body get goose pimpled to the point of being tight. Damn the thought of tight has me going again!

So I go through the state of stumbling, fumbling to get my clothes together, and hopefully prepare for a horrible night at work, reach into the freezer, get an Ice Pack, tucked into the back of my pants {for my back not my erection you perverts}, and I start racing up the stairs to grab coffee, and maybe a little food. I am greeted by a 5 year old in her Barbie pajama’s eating a bowl of cereal, and now I am about to yell at the evil 70 something year old for again giving the kids whatever the hell they want for dinner when I notice that evil 70 something year old dressed in her robes also. Somewhere between yelling at her, for this, and realizing that I am such an idiot, I decide to ask “Is it still morning?” which makes everyone in the general vicinity break into their “Daddy is Silly” laughs that usually make it easier for me to sneak away and crawl back into my cave downstairs.

Ok then so now I am totally dressed, showered and ready to do nothing for the next 11 hours, so I figured that I would start on a few of the blogs that I never get around to anymore, because of my life being so out of control. About 3 blogs in I am exhausted again, and {surprise surprise} horny. I decide to simply start writing out a few notes, when the daughter comes downstairs {not the super cute one, in her Barbie pajama’s but the super evil one with all the excuses} and she is facing me with another dilemma, which as usual is my fault and not her own. Ok so she had apparently lost something I was supposed to sign, and she doesn’t exactly know what it is, but it was in the pile of stuff in her room that she forced me to throw away, as I had promised, while she was gone. I told her to clean her room {damnit} or else I was going in there with garbage bags. She didn’t, I did, and that is how it works in this house {damnit} so she figured it was a wonderful opportunity to use it to her advantage. I didn’t fall for this one, what I did was I created a new document on my desktop for occasions like this. I then signed it and sent it on her way with her, and I was back to bed, after realizing that perhaps I have needed the sleep more than the popularity these days. Here’s a copy of the letter I have saved on my computer if any other parents find it useful, then please feel free to steal it, those that find it offensive, then please fuck off, and be offended by that instead ~winks~

To whom it may concern …

I am sending you a copy of the generic note that I now have saved on my computer for times like these. This is probably regarding Big Evil, as she has somehow lost the note I was supposed to sign, and I probably haven’t gotten the correct story as to what was supposed to be signed, so I am bringing it to your attention this way, as to make it known that I have NOT signed a permission slip for anything, and I have not actually been up to date on what it is I am signing anyway. If this note is actually for Middle Evil, or Little Evil, please accept my apologies as I am becoming a trained professional at this …

Reason for losing said “Daddy must sign Document” this time …. Excuse from Daughter goes HERE

Please accept my apologies and as always if this is an actual important event I would appreciate a phone call at {603} 555-1212 with any details of said ramifications of what I supposedly just signed, or involvement I was supposed to have in the education of my child. I apologize and I hope that you understand.

Signed …. Superdaddyman {and yeah it is an indecipherable squiggle}

______________________________ date _____________

Kids … ya gotta love em!

I do want to tell every one of you that I am truly sorry, from the bottom of my heart that I have been unable to grace everyone’s pages with my mirth that a lot of you have expected as of late. It was some sad reality that struck me lately, and I truly do adore every one of you. I just do as I must lately, as I was taught some hard lessons over the last two weeks, and I needed a Jeremy recharge something fierce … God Loves You All and So Do I … ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Rants & Political Rage {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Mental Imagry & Random Perversion {Adult Stories .. Assume they are rated X} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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