Thursday, November 24, 2005

Livin' With Evils's - Volume 15

First of all I want to wish all of my Online Blog Family a JOYOUSLY WONDERFUL THANKSGIVING from the Crow

Ok so this is my first blog written on my shiny new copy of Microsoft Word that I bought myself as an early Christmas present. You see Captain ADHD accompanied Superdaddyman today on what was supposed to be a day of daddy son bonding. These things usually take on a different meaning, as the day progresses, but we originally had planned to take on the local Credit Union {Sue me … having the adorable little boy along gets all of the gorgeous young ladies in the business skirts, going bonkers over the Superdaddyman at the CU. He isn’t the only boy in the family … sheesh}, then off to the local Wal-Mart, to get him his Thanksgiving outfit, and then last but certainly not least, off to the hairstylist so that we could get haircuts.

Now for those of you who have forgotten I used to be Singledaddyman, before a mishap had changed me into Superdaddyman {yeah like some of you mistook me for a good father}, so I have been down the road of what was to happen at the stylist. Captain ADHD of course went first so that he could play with the toys afterwards, and I could get my hair trimmed, or so I thought anyway. The stylist came over to me with that look on her face and her hands cupped, the Superdaddysense, was already tingling before she had even gotten to me. {at this point imagining a speeding car squeeling to a stop as it crashes into a wall, would be a wonderful background image} It appeared that once again “The Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils’s” {TOKE} had brought home many enemy combatants to completely wash away about 4 hours of Superdaddyman’s free time … LICE!!!

Now in the department of fighting off this variety of enemy invader, Superdaddyman happens to be a professional. I should not have to remind any of you that “The Mother of all the Evils’s” happens to be a total loser, and I have had my share of time in the bathroom, with pissed off kids and a bottle of RID. For almost 6 months there while she had custody of the kids I had to wash my two daughter’s heads every other weekend, as the loser I was once married to refused to clean her house. She finally shaved Imtoocutus’s head, and left her looking like she had joined the marines. This was the first time that Captain ADHD had ever had lice, and the stylist kinda wanted us gone, even though they were not very large and the wings had not grown in {oh yeah the first time the loser had sent them to me with lice, they look like moths when they get THAT big}, I totally understood. Out of embarrassment she ended up with a 7 dollar tip too.

I knew the drill. We walked next door, picked out the REALLY BIG lice kit, and I was prepared to do battle. I realize that many of you do not see the humor in this, but you may understand pretty quickly what it is like for a totally craven alcoholic like me to have to use Lice Shampoo. Superdaddyman’s favoritest booze in the whole wide world was Gin, boys and girls, and guess what lice shampoo is made out of? The absolute torture of walking around with a head full of sticky liquid that smells like Tanqueray, is more than most people can handle, much less someone who starts wondering how the Shampoo tastes for God’s sake. Fortunately this sneak attack was rather mild, in the fact that only Captain ADHD had lice and the girls didn’t. The first thing he said when he found that out was, “I told you my hair was getting too long!” Oh well, he is my son after all, so it would stand to reason that when I told him that the girls were going to get Shampooed anyway, just in case, his fiendish laughter mimicked my own.

After washing my own hair, which happens to be longer than his, and although I too think he is rather icky, I am the only member of the family that willingly touches him; I had to spray down all of the beds. I then went around and had to spray all of the furniture, which was no fun, let me tell you. The girls did enjoy reminding Captain ADHD that he had cooties, as it was always his favorite line when they came down with lice and he did not. Other than those little lice torments it was a rather quiet day, well until Lazius Boycrazius, got an invite to go see the new Harry Potter movie. This was answered with a resounding NO, and yet again the fortieth lecture about all the things around the house she refuses to do these days, like bath, or put her dirty laundry in the hamper, or do her homework. You know what I mean, all of the rotten things that us parents do to make our kids lives hell. The lecture always ends with “And had you decided to actually do the things that you were supposed to do all week, then you would have been free to go,” but the story always ends with, “So what I am going to do is spend the rest of the day taking it out on the two siblings,” … 12 years … 305 days … footprint on last ass … Winnebago … no forwarding address … FREEDOM … ;8o)

Question … What are those wonderful things that keep getting repeated in your kids lives that tend to remind you, that the Merry Go Round Ain’t Fixed?

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Rants & Political Rage {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Mental Imagry & Random Perversion {Adult Stories .. Assume they are rated X} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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