Saturday, November 5, 2005

Livin' With Evils's - Volume 14


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I don’t envy any single father in this world with a teenage daughter. Fact of the matter is, I can even figure out how you all deal with yours, as mine is a real nightmare at times. I’ve had to have the “menstrual cycle” talk with her, the “boys are evil” talk with her, the “feminine hygiene” talk with her, and quite frankly I am sure that I failed at them all. Today as Superdaddyman tries to conquer many of his mundane duties, the whole role of “Virginity Defender” ends up being pushed to the next level, as his daughter {Lazius Boycrazius}, sits next to him in the Superdaddymobile, with a broken heart. The facts are still being applied to my little brain, as I am driving all the evils’s to their grandparents house for the weekend, where they will meet their mother, and hopefully have a nice visit. Apparently the “offender” aka. “Horny 14 year old boy”, decided to kiss the Big Evil {mental note … kill the boy} at last weeks school dance and then, had the audacity to turn into … well … a 14 year old boy. This of course meant all of the teasing, and ignoring that comes along with deflowering the poor lips of Superdaddyman’s first baby girl {mental note … kill him very slowly}, and then being a boy.

Well the drive was tentative, at best, because I am a kill kill kill type of … well … man, so I was hoping that somehow The Mother of All the Evils’s might actually have a shred of maternal instincts in her after all, and somehow find it in herself to actually “deal” with this situation for me. I should have my head examined on that one, as we all managed to get to “banjo country” so I could drop the kids off. A stumbling, nasty looking shell of an ex came crawling out of the house with only one eye open, and it could only mean one thing, hangover. As usual Superdaddyman held his composure, but as always it is a Passivogressive Saturday, and she always leads with her chin. “I don’t feel so great, today, did you feed them on the way here?” which led me to a normal Jeremyism “Yanno, AA … It’s not just for losers anymore, but we still take you losers too,” and I realize it wasn’t the sweetest of sentiments, but I seriously have learned to loath this woman’s bad habits. “I was kinda hoping that you could talk to your daughter, as she is suffering from a broken heart. I mean you’ve experienced this, like every two weeks for the last 20 years yourself,” which fell on deaf ears as she walked around trying to get the kids to be quiet. If her mother hadn’t have come out to tell me that the kids will be fine, I might have just put them back in the van and left.

So at this point, I pulled the van out of the driveway, and reached into the glove box for that “special CD” that is reserved for moments like this …. "You think your life's so grand .. You don't believe a word you say .. Your feet aren't on the ground .. You let your life just slip away .. Just so uncertain of your body and your soul .. The promises you make your mind go blank .. and then you lose control, then you lose control! .. .. I never was the one, the one to say .. the things you say .. Never seem to wonder what you say .. You think you've got your life completely in control .. You've got a lot to learn, the bridge you burned .. It's gonna take its toll!!! Pay the burnt bridge toll!!! .. .. So practice what you preach!", and away I went while the beautiful tones of Chuck Billy and Testament filled the minivan. The speed of the van was altered slightly to meet the demands of the driving music, and the blue lights behind me were not what I was hoping to see … chickenfucker! {mental note … great more blog fodder coming up}

I recognized Officer Iaintgonnasayhisname, the second he got out of his car and started towards me, so after getting the window opened, I reached up under the visor for the essentials he was coming for, and then held it out the window. He stood there staring at me for a minute, and then said “Pantera?” as he looked at the CD on my pinky. “Come on man, I have that CD already!”

“Well you aren’t getting my Testament CD jackass, and where the hell is that Seether CD, I gave you last time?” which he actually trotted back to the patrol car to grab, and then we entered into the small talk that old friends usually do. He actually is going to be related to me again, as soon as his Uncle and my Aunt get married {I know, I hear the Banjos too, but this is the die that was cast for my existence, as you see this is EX2’s cousin as well … ack} … When we finally settled on him borrowing my beloved KoRn CD, he pointed out to me that I am missing J-Lo on Octane 20, and I thanked him for that little tid-bit, and then he added “I was invited over there for dinner tonight, and I wasn’t going, but I will check in on your kids for you. Make sure you put your seat belt on dude those Southies are bagging people left and right,” and I thanked him for the advice, and away I went. By this time the CD was all the way to “The Ballad”, and I felt the need to restart that song at the very least … “I'm not one to say .. Where my feelings are going when they wither away .. I pray to see another day .. My heart's feeling like a needle lost in the hay .. Restrained to meet again .. My friend do you think that we ever will .. I know we are free…” for those who don’t know Testament … you really just gotta know Testament.

Well it wasn‘t all that bad of a morning, aside from the fact, that I am just finishing this blog up, at the normal time I wake up, and already I have been up for about 4 hours. I‘m sure that somewhere out there I will find the time to get banging at my novel, but until then, I will do some blog hoppin‘, and wait for Miss Polly to wake up, and see that I got her Ice Coffee for her. As always, it’s in God‘s Time Not Mine ;8o)

Question … What is that song {or songs} that really gets your Mojo working? … And for all you “Blog Smashers” like me {and you rank amateurs that should be getting’ your shwerve on anyway} … I wanna see some Lyrics baby!

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes...
Mental Notes& Random Musings {Daily Blog}
The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2006

Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest