Saturday, November 26, 2005

Let's Talk About Sex Baby - Volume 7

I guess realistically I am not all that I portray. I sit here right now, very happy with myself, as I managed to write a fantasy blog that didn’t make me feel bad afterwards. By simply allowing myself to feel what I think, and then letting someone else add the juice to it, I didn’t feel like such a liar after it was all said and done. At least that is what I am assuming is the reasoning for it right now. The very first, “Let’s Talk About Sex Baby” entry that I posted into my Blogosphere on August 4, 2005, was actually a joke, based on my inability to talk about sex, that was almost a personal dare from a friend down in Florida. I did what I do best, and that would be “make a spectacle of myself” as I joked about the porn movies that I download, while I am being Mr. Noble Loveaddict. In reality, it was one like all of the other blogs I had written at the time, talked about a lot, with no comments under it. I had of course become known for some of my perversions then, and it made good chat room fodder.

The reality of my first naughty tale was simply, a way for me to “get even” with all of the ladies on my 360 list that would write dirty stories, and enjoy my feigned reactions towards them. I am so incredibly boring sexually, that I thought that my superior writing abilities that have taken such boring little tales of going to a grocery store, or to the school, or even the dump, and made them appealing to others, could simply make my sexual fantasies that much brighter. Fact of the matter is, that it was the first, and only form of lying I had ever done on my blog. Sure I had these dreams, and of course I wrote them out truthfully from where I had seen them, but reality dictates that some dreams don’t come true, and when it comes to my own sexuality, it’s very uninteresting otherwise. The only thing more caustic to me is my ability to feel genuine love. The story of me really does come down to “That Jeremy is so good at so many things, it’s too bad love ain’t one of them”, and I am learning to be ok with that.

With the assistance of my buddy Chrystal, I was able to take the romantic stuff that I wrote, which is usually nothing more that a pipe dream of the perfect romance with a little more angst, and combine it with the raw animalistic passion that she writes about, and it finally became true fantasy. Fiction if you will, and it didn’t actually hit me the way it always did. There wasn’t that feeling of regret over the things that I yearn for, and the fact that I am the one to interfere with it, at every turn. I didn’t have to look at what I think, and then say to myself all of the awful things that I do when, I am finished yearning for what I can’t have, due to my own ineptness. My story originally was my usual romantic tale of a date that led to passion, after she had rearranged it so that it was the woman’s eye view of the date instead of mine; I actually liked it a lot more, for a few reasons. The first being that she had the ability to be a lot more primal in thought that I can, and it was refreshing to see the romance in a different light. The second of course being that I might have actually seen the differences between what I see, and my willing accomplices in romance. The fact still remained that I looked at it as being fiction now, and I was able to take my personal romantic demons out of it.

If I had my way {and this is the God’s honest truth mind you} I would have a woman that I can spend the rest of my life with, and I would be happy with the thought of never having to pursue my sexual demons ever again. Reality is that my sexual demons prevent that quite well due to the fact that EVERYONE has sexual demons. I joke quite often with my dearest friends that I am a submissive class person, with some dominating characteristics. This means that I want a woman who will take control of me sexually most of the time, and allow me my little times of being the aggressor. Sounds easy huh? Well it isn’t, and I have learned over the years {ok bullshit, I haven’t learned a damn thing, but I am at least accepting it now … sheesh}, that the best of intentions by the fairer sex merely leads me to a dark place, where I curl up in a ball and wait to die. {so to speak} I married three women who thought foreplay was nagging, and I have dated a plethora of women who thought that it was my job, to initiate any form of sexual activity, {and all the lying to myself in the world is not going to change that thought} when I would have much rather been raped. Yeah ME!

The other side of that nasty little coin was that anytime I was to find a woman who was actually aggressive, it was because she was either angry most of the time, hated men, or was a downright whore, who thought I was going to fix them. All three of these types really took the romance out of it all, and I then think about my broken picker, and end up with the first woman that will have me. I always needed to be loved by someone, and with the hopes that they will change to suit my needs, I was just waiting to be crushed, by myself.

Here I am again at that crossroads that inevitably reminds me that I am better off alone with a good porno movie, because I am sick of being heartbroken over my own inability to love, desire, or show genuine affection in a method that would be construed as normal, but the good news is that I am actually ok with that. When you throw in the certain level of celebrity that my blog brings me now, and I am forced to ask myself “what the hell is wrong with me that I can actually stare into the face of many beautiful women and say, No Thank You”, and it is probably a lot easier to see why I have so many issues. ;8o)

Ok … let’s do it again … I would appreciate it, if you all would just smash the shit out of this blog …. Lyrics … Poems … Funny Stuff … you name it! … Let us just get out of ourselves for a bit, and see what happens, I am rather sick of being an adult!

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Rants & Political Rage {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Mental Imagry & Random Perversion {Adult Stories .. Assume they are rated X} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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