Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Deadly Sins Therapy - Volume 8

Conditional love was the topic that was suggested by my friend Rachel from La Florida, back when I had my question of the day set at, “What would you like ME to do for a blog topic some day”, and I had in turn decided that hers was going to be first. Unfortunately it has been a while since I could actually get to that topic, but I am here today. It happens to be a very big issue with me today as well so I should thank her for actually bringing this about anyway. The concept of love for another human being is a very complex one to begin with, but as you all must know by now I spend a great deal of time obsessing over understanding it better anyway, so I am perfectly willing to share what I know and what I am guessing on.

First of all anyone who doesn’t believe that I have love for absolutely everyone {even those that I hate}, hasn’t actually been paying much attention to my actions, or my deeds, and for that I simply say “shame on you” to begin with. I do actually believe that everyone on this planet DOES owe a certain level of unconditional love for all of mankind, but ALL LOVE is conditional PERIOD. To assume otherwise, either makes you totally immersed from the neck up in ass, or a total liar. I have no problem in saying that. There are those that believe that their love is totally without condition, but they fail to see the point, that even their best intentions have limits, OR the conditions on the love that is between the two individuals is actually being placed by the one you are loving, in whatever fashion you are. Pure unconditional love on both ends is impossible.

A good example of a perfectly reasonable condition that most normal individuals have is, until it does me personal harm. Whatever that threshold might be, the average person is not going to allow senseless bodily injury, or needless emotional scarring to occur over their love for another. I realize that these things do selflessly occur, but to allow them to be considered normal is foolhardy, and not exactly sane. Good examples of these things ARE going on in my life right now. Certain friends who think that my friendship is conditional based on their doddery over those that mean me harm, and others who think that emotionally abusive statements should be taken as helpful criticism. Neither of these things IS acceptable to me, and will not be allowed in my conversations. If friends are incapable of speaking with me in a manner that is different than that, then they are NOT friends and simply become associates, or often times, not communicated with.

Another good example of perfectly reasonable conditions on love is usually based on the Deadly Sin “Invidia” or jealousy, as I have talked about a couple of weeks ago. This actually DOES go both ways, and should be respected on either end. If it is not then the removal method is actually the only suggestion I have for you as, I had stated before, jealousy is not a Deadly Sin that should be trifled with in the least. I personally have never found a way to actually remove it from someone else, as we are ALL powerless over other peoples thinking in the end. The average person who has jealousy over MY actions, and is incapable of accepting the way I behave, regardless of whether they are right or wrong are actually placing conditions on our love. As a result, I need to either choose whether my actions or deeds are that valuable to me, or if they might actually be pointing out a flaw that I should possibly work on. If I choose to keep what they think is a flaw the relationship will probably not get any better, and almost inevitably will deteriorate. If I am the one with the belief that the other ones flaw is that bad, and they are incapable or unwilling to change it, then it works in reverse, and I need to eliminate myself from the relationship, before I end up insane with jealousy. I will at this point only start doing things to harm the other person.

The last condition of love that I find most important as it often affects the love of a romantic nature more frequently, than that of the other two, but is also irreplaceably linked to those as well, is MY Deadliest Sin “Ira” or anger. Temperamental people like me, who tend to work as hard as we can to keep our rage under control, can NOT be expected to stay in “loving relationships” {sexual, romantic, friendly, or any other} if our anger is constantly being drawn out of us. This should be an unsung condition for healthy relationships. This also tests the boundaries of love {again for NORMAL people} in a lot of different ways. Ones jealousy brings out constant anger, or ones harassment over just about anything, usually creates temper issues. Should this be an ongoing thing, most healthy people will give up on the love, and place “official” conditions, when in all reality as I said before, these should have been unspoken conditions to begin with. If they weren’t and worse than that, never are, then YOU have placed yourself in a situation called abuse, and that is NOT normal, regardless of which end of this you are on.

Now I realize that I used the term “normal” or “healthy” a lot in what I have written, and it WAS NOT {oh geeze all of these f*cking capitalized words, I am turning into Lynn … RUN!!!} meant to be insulting or demeaning to anyone, nor was it in any way to try to place onus on anyone to actually be normal, but what it IS meant to do is hopefully make people think about what is good or bad for you. I do strive to be a better person everyday. To be on a collision course down the wrong side of the road, might seem fun for a while, but the chances are pretty good, that you are going to get seriously hurt, or end up dead. In either case, NORMAL dictates that you are lying to yourself if you think that is ok ;8o)

Question … For my dear friend Rachel and me, can you give a good example of a time in your life when you were forced to verbally place conditions on a unconditional love situation, or please tell about a time, when conditions were placed on you? …. Good results or bad results, you know me, just collecting data for the lesson of life … thank you all :D

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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