Monday, October 3, 2005

Things You Learn From Your Daughters Best Friend - Volume 1

A quick note to start off ... My Blog Entries will be released at different times now that I am starting my new shift of 6pm to 4am ... My comment rounds will be altered slightly too, but you all must know that I love you ...

Let me take you back about 6 months ago, when I was at my daughters band performance at the school. Background is good you know. Lazius Boycrazius would be an aspiring flute player, if she practiced, liked playing, or actually had any talent. The fact of the matter is she fits in quite nicely with the Junior High school band, as it appears that these are the credentials that all of these kids share. This is always an experiment in torture, and I don’t mean the type that makes Superdaddyman happy in a dark place. We are talking about mind numbing boredom, with a smattering of audio chaos to wash it down. I have always envied the parents {who actually lie like bastards about this in my mind, but it is ok, I shall take them at their words}, who enjoy going to these things. I do not. There are a few funny moments, I will admit, like this day in particular.

I am a townie, which means I have lived here all of my life for the most part, and the other townies and I all hate each other, yet we all sit together in the same clump in the back, on the bleachers. We rarely look at each other as we make smart ass comments toward each other, but we all have nicknames, and barely respond to each other by our real names, if possible. There is Julie {The Bitch}, Brian {The Druggie}, Pam {The Slut}, Chris {The Brain}, Matt {Well everyone likes Matt so he is just Matt}, Tina {Giggles}, and yours truly Jeremy {not Superdaddyman silly … I am The Drunk in this crowd as they have known me a long time} For the most part we just don’t want to sit with all the rich A-holes that joined this community lately so we simply sit together despite the hatred that still remains. When we get shooshed by one of the other parents it is either my job or Brian’s job to give them “that look“, as we are without a doubt the most physically intimidating people in the room. Brian is married to Pam {her 5th I think}, and Julie and I are the single parents.

Pam {The Slut} also happens to be the mother of my daughter’s best friend Cassandra, and it was this year that Cassandra unbeknownst to her parents changed into a set of fishnet thigh highs, with garter belts that were showing beneath her skirt, before the performance and when she came out, Pam was obviously mortified, and I had to say {looking strait forward mind you}, “I guess she borrowed that from you Pam, I thought I remembered that from 8th grade Prom”, this of course made Julie {who always sits next to me, God knows why}, respond with, “She looks a lot better in it though”, and caused a retaliation from Pam in the form of “Why don’t you two f*ck each other, if you haven’t all ready”, and while everyone turned around to look Brian fielded the menacing look so Julie and I could look at each other and go “Eeewww!” Later that evening notable zingers included Matt asking Julie and I why we never seem to get any older {his bald head often makes him ponder that}, and Brian speaking up, which is unusual, “Because Julie is such a bitch, she’ll probably never die, and the drunk probably pickled himself”, which actually made me chuckle anyway.

So we transfer to today which is Lazius Boycrazius’s birthday. The big 13, and surprisingly enough, it is also Cassandra’s {Well actually it is every year, but I digress}, so Big Evil was to go to her party, and come back to this one. I am not to fond of her hanging out with Cassandra, as she actually is as bad as that mental image of her coming out dressed like a whore, should have dictated. Her last party ended up with a bunch of wanna be gang members pulling out a knife, and creating a LOT of problems. This in turn prompted Superdaddyman to get in touch with the kids, and tell them that they should ask their parents about me, before they tell me to f*ck myself. It was about as calm as I could be at the time. For the record, YES I was that bad many years ago, the kids called me begging for forgiveness, and their parents called afterwards to make sure that I was ok with their apologies. I was rather surprised that Big Evil was even invited again this year, but The Druggie promised me that there was going to be supervision this year.

The two little ones impress me sometimes as they decided to make gifts for Cassandra too, and they helped Big Evil wrap them, and she ended up going to the party with all three packages. Yes Lazius Boycrazius made her some CD’s from my rather huge collection on this here computer, while Imtoocutus made her a beaded necklace, and Captain ADHD made her a little car out of clay. I was rather worried as Cassandra can be very caustic, that perhaps they were all in for a let down on this one, but they were enjoying themselves and I was able to sleep until ¼ of 1 {remember Superdaddyman sleeps during the day and works at night after all}, and I then took her to the party. Since Cassandra had moved to Portsmouth over the summer, she actually lived in one of the 3 ghettos, and I was worried that there would be a criminal sort as there usually is with her to begin with. Her biological father lives in one of the other two ghettos and she always found that sort there. Why should it be any different here?

I remanded Big Evil over to the temporary custody of The Druggie and The Slut, and I made a break for it with the two little evils’s, because I had to go home and set up for Big Evil’s party here, which involved finishing up the Ice Cream cake, and the Lasagna I was making for it. The little evils’s were my official taste testers of course. The time came to go get the Big Evil from the place as the 3 hours had passed, and my Patriots didn’t give me anything to be happy about, but I once again digress. I appeared there, where Big Evil and Cassandra were sitting on the stoop. Cassandra was holding the gift that Captain ADHD had made, and was actually wearing Imtoocutus’s necklace, as the two of them came running down to the minivan.

Cassandra was wearing it alright and she was also wearing a big smile. She opened the back of the minivan and gave Captain ADHD a kiss {yes he was thoroughly disgusted, and I think it totally ruined his day … goodie!}, and then did the same to Imtoocutus {who is a 5 year old girl, so her day was made}, and thanked them both profusely for the gifts. She was actually very sincere, and I couldn’t avoid the chance to be passive-aggressive, as I remarked “Who the hell are you and what did you do with Cassandra?”, she giggled {oh yeah that gets worse every year past 12, and I could tell as she is now 14}, and then said, “I miss all of you so much, there aren’t any people around here that really care about me, and I wanted you guys to know that I appreciate you.”, which left me speechless. Guess you’re never to young to miss what you had when it is gone, even if you ignored it while it was there. ;8o)