Friday, October 21, 2005

Superdaddyman Takes on Lazius Boycrazius - Volume 3

So the factions of The Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils’s {TOKE} have taken a new stance in the war, as they are now finding ways to splinter the household battle field. Greektradgedius Inyiddish of course the pawn in a very long drawn out chess match that Lazius Boycrazius has been looking to win for over 3 years now, and if anything, she did prove that the Psychologist that we took her to years ago was right. She is just far more stubborn than we can comprehend and any wars of attrition, are NOT being fought on a fair playing field. We are talking about a larger than the other two, lil evils’s that has had a lot more hardship crammed into her little life after all. The effects of such, have made her far stronger than Master Yoda, could have ever suspected. Let me take you back for some background on this one.

It was about 4 years ago, that Big Evil came to Superdaddyman crying about how she needed to have a flute, so that she could play in the school band. Her arguments were convincing enough, and it was a 300$ investment that managed to get her the flute she so desperately wanted. Took her about 2 months to not want to play flute anymore, and she then wanted a clarinet. Superdaddyman put his foot down based on the fact that the flute she was going to totally shrivel up and die without, cost the family about ¼ of it’s monthly salary, and she was GOING to at least learn how to play it. Fast forward to the next year. Where she in turn decided that the best way to eliminate her flute obligation was to simply start making the life of her band teacher a living nightmare. Now to give in at this point creates the whole belief in such a young skull full of mush that quitting is ok, AND that when you want something bad enough, you need only become a nuisance, which of course is a habit you try to break them of at Imtoocutus’s age. Parole denied, you are now sentenced to another year of hard labor, listening to the ear shattering noise that YOUR band puts out.

Needless to say, I have spent 200$ dollars over the years repairing her broken flute that she has tried to damage, and also had ended up starting this year with it lost. This of course was supposed to solve the problem in her mind, as she had no flute to play. This is no match for the keen manipulative mind of Superdaddyman! A simple call to the school got her the loan of a REALLY nasty old flute, that was filled with some other kids nasty snot, drool, and germs to play. Never mind the fact that this flute was UGLY, and that in and of it self was so disturbing to her, that her flute miraculously showed up after about 2 days of such emotional duress. Broken and dejected, Lazius Boycrazius, was still in her plans after 3 years to simply torture the teacher. Far be it for me to give into such hostage taking situations, and all along, the teacher had agreed as well. Little did Big Evil understand that she isn’t the first and she won’t be the last to put a music teacher through hell.

I look back to when I was younger and I had to go to the piano lessons twice a week. Whoa boy, that was a real treat, Mrs. Gursten, and her house that smelled like the 45 cats she had to replace her children that ran off many moons earlier. I wouldn’t practice, I wouldn’t accept defeat, and my damn father wouldn’t accept no! It is my duty as a good Superdaddyman to take this out on my child, and make her hate music as much as I did. It’s the way of the Psychologically Confused JedI, my young Padi-Wahns, and this is an age old tradition in many of the huddled masses across this great nation. Of course my hatred for music was all bullshit, just like hers. The reality of it all was I wanted to be the next bassist of Anthrax, as much as she wants to be the next lead singer of Destiny’s Child. If you have ever heard her sing, you’ll know I had a better shot, but she, like me at her age, doesn’t care. Don’t let reality get in the way of a good life plan.

The battle plans set forth, as this Evil One, laid waste to the psyche of the weakest and oldest link in the household, while I have been working nights. Upon my descent into the world of the Pink Mafia the other night {disguised as a mild mannered Jeremy, for those of you who don’t keep track} it was brought to my attention {last minute of course, so that I didn’t have time to flip my lid properly} that Greektradgedius had signed papers to get her out of band the day before. “I don’t want her torturing that poor teacher any more?” … can you even IMAGINE the total mental control it took to not say “So if I start invading your territory and making YOUR life hell, you might move out?”, which would have been stupid, seeing how I think that is Greektradgedius’s plan for ME! Hey the stubborn apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I guess, as I come home to this crap everyday, willingly myself.

In the end I must admit, Lazius Boycrazius’s resolve to simply wait out the whole ordeal paid off this time, but I am waiting for the next one. She will never know the great joys that being forced into 6 years of piano lessons has given ME! All of the next great bassist aspirations led me to nowhere, and actually drove me a little bonkers along the way, whilst my ability to take a date out to any old place that has a piano, slipping behind the keys, and belting out a beautiful rendition of “November Rain” or “Right Here Waiting for You” {dulcet Tim Curry-esque vocals included}, has gotten me laid so many times that … hmmmm … Ya know what? … maybe her NOT playing an instrument isn’t such a bad idea after all ;8o)