Thursday, October 27, 2005

Superdaddyman Takes on Captain ADHD - Volume 2

It was NOT to be a good day, for our favorite super hero, as it is the greatest of all challenges to keep Captain ADHD in line at all times. It’s kinda like if you were, that Native American Super Hero guy, who’s super power was saying some Cherokee word and he got like 70 feet tall {yeah, don’t blink, he managed to make it to one Politically Correct episode of “Super Friends“ back in the hopelessly Carter 70‘s. I remember an Asian guy, who turned to wind with a Chinese word too … eek}, taking on the Flash. His never-ending power of screaming around like a bumble bee on crack, is astonishing, and being a lot bigger than him does NOT help. The tales continue as Superdaddyman was called away on important business, which interfered with his precious blogging time yesterday, and ended up kinda like one of those Geneva Summits, at the same time. Let me take you to it as the events unfolded shall I.

The Superdaddyman Mobile {cleverly disguised as a Kia Sedona} pulled up to the front of the Elementary school, where coincidentally the fiendishly evil Captain ADHD spends most of his days, conducting his diabolical experiments on human sanity. The school is just about to let out which means that hoards of Superdaddyman groupies were crowding the entryway, to where the summit was to take place. Realistically speaking, it is NOT easy being THE ONLY man in all of Megalopolis, who has wild hair, muscles, tattoos, 3 kids, no wife, and just about everything else it takes to get a frustrated housewives {who by this time in their life coincidentally has NO actual aspirations of being in love with their own husband anymore}, to make total asses of themselves. Throw in the fact that this person is the very embodiment of what they would love to have their rich, cheating, uncaring, unfeeling, never there, works too much, never loved me anyways, husband to actually catch them screwing in the kitchen. {yes I am a boy after all so those visuals have given me a Superdaddyman sized chubby at times} This alone makes it very difficult for Superdaddyman to get to the location of the meet, because blushing, giggling, obnoxious, small talk is forced upon him every 2 feet. I have the feeling that these things are always scheduled for THIS time of the day so that they can film this from some secret camera location, but what do I know, I can’t keep control of a 7 year old Super Villain.

Inside, Superdaddyman makes his way to the office to sign in {this is where they keep the viciously HOT secretary, who loves to show off her panties just under the bottom of her questionably short skirts, and YES it is the ONLY benefit of these little trips! It’s kinda like those rare occasions I have money and can make a trip to the bank to check out THOSE business skirts … oops … losing train of thought again}, and then proceeds to the room, where the fate of Captain ADHD will be discussed. The stage is set now with the “Faction” of youth destruction artists laying wait, as we attempt to change Captain ADHD into Captain SpEd. His Psychiatrist, his Therapist, his Guidance Councilor, and his Teacher are all sitting patiently, waiting for Superdaddyman. The usual chair at the end of the table for the perfect affect, of being judged, is empty as usual. The Guidance Councilor, of course takes the ball first as he explains the situation that is being placed upon the school, and how it is going to be important for Captain ADHD to be placed in an environment that “less” disrupts the classroom, as a whole. He finished the long explanation {which even the keen abilities of Superdaddyman to ramble on were tested, and in a way vindicated. Coupled with the barely 4 hours sleep he had, it was hard to stay awake}, with a question “What would you like?” which was unfortunately HIS first mistake, as Superdaddyman CAN NOT avoid ANY opportunity to commit a heinous act of “Random” on whomever he can. The answer went like this “I would like a Purple Ferrari, one of those big houses at the beach, and Tawny Kitaen, dressed like she was in the first Whitesnake video”, which created a noticeable “gasp” from Captain ADHD’s teacher. I could see the Psychiatrist furiously start writing in his note book. I personally think it is a stupid question, that is made to simply get ME to do all the “self discovery work” and that is what Superdaddyman has this blog for damnit! Can’t THEY READ … sheesh.

Superdaddyman now has to sit through a rather long, overly emotional, description of a typical day in the life of Captain ADHD’s teacher. Don’t get me wrong, I feel for this woman, having to put up with Captain ADHD, and not being able to threaten him with a good spanking {which for some strange reason, usually gets him to behave, go figure?}, but at the same time, I note that she NEVER actually takes Superdaddyman’s suggestions anyway, so often I tend to start nodding off a bit during this part. “What I do when he gets totally out of control, is I take a picture of him with my digital camera. He then gets so humiliated that he totally blows a fuse, but after about 5 more minutes of screaming mindless temper tantrum, he ALWAYS straitens up and flies right. It’s like MY version of Adderol burning out his little brain,” and the teacher, of course, explains how they can’t use shame {yep Oprah has now f*cked up the schools too}, and the Psychiatrist is furiously writing again {It is not lost in the mind of this crime fighter that HE ONLY takes notes when I talk, and I am starting to get nervous, and pissy}, while the Guidance Councilor is trying to gain control of the argument portion of the peace talks. The person to remain totally silent through the whole affair is his Therapist, and I bet it is because he doesn’t want to have a bunch of notes written about HIM in the Psychiatrists book as well. He’s good.

Upon finishing the next great “peace summit”, the answers were, Captain ADHD will be placed in Special Education {look I really do drive da Yiddle Bus now!}, which will actually allow them to alter his class schedule {at the request of his Therapist}, and place him in HARDER classes. It appears that he has impulse control, perhaps based on the fact that he is very smart, and outspoken {I haven’t a clue where he gets that from}, and I get the distinct feeling that his teacher was VERY relieved to deal with him less, from now on {hey I wasn’t the one who let him teach a class one day lady, and from what I have heard, all the kids are STILL using base 10 math … teeheehee}, and all is right with the world for now. I am sure that there will be another one of these next month, and until then, Superdaddyman waits with baited breath. Of course he also can’t wait until Captain ADHD’s Psychiatrist gets him alone to discuss HIS issues either, but as for now, I have a paycheck, and some left over cash from last week, so I am off to the bank {evil grin} to do some attention deficit of my own ;8o)