Sunday, October 2, 2005

Of Things I've Lost and Those That Never Leave - Volume 2

Well it was a road trip for me last night, as I drove out to Plainville Massachusetts, which is my usual Saturday ritual. My girlfriend lives a town over from there, and we go to a meeting together, and I have become quite used to driving the 90 minutes every Saturday night. Of course if you have never driven through Massachusetts, then you probably don’t understand what a life altering move this can be every Saturday, as I am going just about all of the way to the Rhode Island border, my middle finger on my left hand is usually killing me by the time I get there, and I have to do a lean over with the right one the whole way back. Last night I also had to run all the way back to Maine to see my Looney Leftist Lesbian best friend so that is going to add to the road dementia.

I am scared to tell you all bout this, as I have always promised to be honest, and I think that after I tell you this story about how the past comes back to haunt you, and of the horrible relapse that I had last night, know that I did wake up this morning and hit my knees immediately.

On my way back from Plainville {by the way this is not one of my Superdaddyman made up cities like Megalopolis, Plainville is really the name … lol}, I was in a very unfortunate quandary, as my beloved AM radio {shup, I’m not old} doesn’t work well this time of the year, sunspots and stuff. I couldn’t listen to my sports guys rip apart those Damn Red Sox, or listen to some Right Wing Whacko rip apart the liberals trying to interfere with the judicial process {I’m sure I’ll have many more years to get used to that one anyway}, so I was forced to switch over to FM {it’s true … I am sooooooo truly SORRY!}, and I found out the hard way what Saturday nights in the rock radio world is all about.

The first song was playing quite innocently, “I wasn’t looking’, when you pulled me iiiiinnnnnn, whoaooooo oh , here I come again!” and I started be-bopping a little bit .. Damn Yankees, mighty fine band indeed. I am after all a child of the 80’s so I every once in a while have to accept my past, of being a totally tripped out hairspray victim with way too much make-up on. {thank God the A-Hole in El Lay, no longer reads my blogs, cuz he would owe me for that admission} Most of the people my age have this skeleton in the closet, and fortunately Damn Yankees still have that air of being “Cool” thanks to Ted Nugent yanno. One song wouldn’t hurt me, I can handle it. I started noting that I still had it too, as I was singing along with it. Tommy Page … eat your heart out! When McCauley - Shenker came on next, I was unaware of a trend that was forming, “Anytime, anytime, you want me, Anytime, anytime, you’re lonely, you just have to call and you know I’ll be there … yeahahahaha”, as I was singing along with all of those words, and I noticed my body inadvertently turning the radio up with each song.

I was also {ok hold me}, chair dancing, skinny little white boy style, as I was driving along now too. Oh the agony, I am a junkie.

I had “chair danced” my way through a Cinderella song, a Motley Crue song, a Poison song {ain’t gonna go there Poison still sucks, the station almost lost me on this one}, but they drew me right back in with a Ronnie James Dio Song, well a Rainbow song to be accurate “I’m a man on the Siiiiilverrrr Mountain yeahahaaaaaa” which inspired me to start talking to myself for a little while, as it is hard to argue that Mr. Dio, was probably one of the greatest song writers in the history of the world, whether you like him or not … OMG … I am now in denial, and I am justifying this sickness. It was becoming quite apparent that I have a problem coming on here pretty hard, and … HOLY AQUANET BATMAN! … I was finally bebopping, chair dancing, and scream singing at the top of my lungs to the ultimate in totally gay 80’s, made for 14 year old girls pap … “It’s the final … Countdown … dadeedaaadum dadeedumdumdum dadeedaaaadum dadeedumdumdumdumdum!”, and admit it, it is absolutely impossible to sing that song without mimicking the synthesizers. I was now dancing and enjoying Europe, and if they played Carrie, I might have been able to break free, but the Gay Glam Gang had me totally hooked, and they weren’t letting go. Upon pulling up to a stop light, I finally had that moment of clarity, as I was car dancing, hopping up and down, waving my head around, singing {with big time emotion mind you}, and I happened to look over at the car full of teenagers next to me.

I imagine that this is a right of passage for all of us mid-thirty something males, as I see they are obviously, staring, pointing, and laughing at me. I really had one of two choices here. I had to reclaim my coolness, manhood, and reason for attracting women all in one feld swoop! My mind was just about ready to start yelling out “Yeah so I like FINAL COUNT DOWN … everybody does damnit, I am just comfortable enough in my HETEROSEXUALITY to admit it damnit!” and I was probably going to follow it up with “It’s like YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME … WE HAVE ALL DANCED TO IT DAMNIT!!!”, and then I realized that I was better suited to plan two. Take your red assed face and duck down so they can’t see you anymore. Upon peering over the door I could see that this plan had worked brilliantly, for they had already driven off.
I need to change the damn station, I am being sucked back into old behavior after all. I need to simply reach down, ….. And ….. “life is just a fantasy, will you be my fantasy tonight … dooooo deeeee doooooo dooooooo” … Aldo Nova stopped that before it could even happen.

So as I sit here listening to good clean music like KoRn, and Seether, I am reminded of a time way beck when. My little Imtoocutus, was still growing inside her mommy {who at the time was already displaying post pardom depression}, and I was awoken by the LOUDEST, most vile crap I had ever heard in my life! I immediately jumped out of bed and was storming down the hallway to “KILL THE KIDS” as my mind had already locked in on it’s target! I was going to yell at them good and hard for waking me up with the stereo, and tell them “When I was a boy, we had GOOD music … yanno stuff with WORDS YOU COULD UNDERSTAND!! Stuff like Megadeth, and Metallica, and Anthrax .. And … um … Oh boy, it was starting to sound stupid as I was explaining it to myself. I had calmed down enough to see the funniest thing when I had gotten to the end of the hall. An 8 year old Lazius Boycrazius, flopping her hair back and forth slamming her head in the chair, and a 2 year old Captain ADHD spinning around in circles making himself dizzy. It was actually quite adorable, and I also had calmed down enough to realize that they were doing it to my old Testament Cds. I sat and enjoyed the show for a few minutes until The Mother of all the Evils’s came stomping down the hallway. Sorry kids you are on your own here, you were saved by a reminiscing daddy, but mommy listens to only two types of music “Country aaaaannnddd Western” ;8o)