Monday, October 31, 2005

Livin' With Evils's - Volume 13

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Ah, the joys of Halloween, and how fitting that it would be the 13th volume of Livin' With Evils's to boot ... Karma I tell you! This holiday has everything, a little sweet, a little tricky, a little tease, and the best part … only good memories. I have integrated my children to the best of my ability into the traditions that I hold dear. Getting candy, and showing off the creativity of a good costume, while often assuring that the best pranks are fulfilled, while sticking to the “oldies but goodies” too. The only assurances that I have every year, is that Halloween will be effortless, and NOT emotionally draining. HA, what the f*ck do I know anyway. As I always say … This Too Shall Pass …

My neighborhood is NOT the safest place to walk down the street. The road itself is commonly referred to as “the race track”, so nobody in their right mind goes Trick or Treating, out here. I have pretty much always taken my kids to my old neighborhood to go Trick or Treating, and it works out pretty good, since most of the elderly people already know me, and I have already rejected all of the single mommies out there. The task of being the “cool daddy” usually gets me many tag-a-longs, and I usually have enough eggs and toilet paper for everyone … oops … I mean … um … Minivan … Yeah I have a big enough Minivan for everyone … whew … nice recovery there. This year was wonderful, as it was warm out, and the whole neighborhood looked like a haunted village from house to house. This is NOT the neighborhood I grew up in, it is the neighborhood I lived in with my first wife, in the big Duplex on the corner {the only one that had a nice yard mind you}, and even though SHE still lives there, my former best friend and her usually go out drinking on Halloween night. It has always been safe, as I have had no desire to run into her, and she has never been too thrilled about the idea either. My aunt {yes the dead cat lady} lives a block over from my old duplex, so we just park there, and get the Trick or Treating over with.

First couple of doors you have to remind the kidlets, that they should say thank you, and only go to the doors with the lights on etc etc etc … They seem to forget every year actually, but I am here to remind them after all. This year marked the first year that Big Evil had no desire to go to the doors with the other kids, and she just stayed back with daddy the whole time directing the rest of the gang. I must note though that she is still the MASTER of throwing a toilet paper roll. The way she gently clasps the end as she launches that thing a mile is pure NFL caliber stuff, I’ll tell ya … um … If I actually condoned that stuff of course {evil grin}, but we were in a bit of a rush, so I didn’t have any eggs. I am sure that the folks at Shaw’s saw their profits drop this year, I’ll tell ya. Having Greektradgedius co author last nights blog was rather time consuming. She had sooooooo many things to say about that ghost {they never really got along you see}, but the good news for all of you who care is that she actually was rattling away on the laptop today, because she wants to write about all of the goofy “Gifts” that my family had over the years. This might be a good thing, stay tuned.

The path we take has always been the same. Imtoocutus is at the age now where, she desperately wants to be the director of traffic, so badly in fact that she often runs past houses, just trying to get to the next one. “Let’s go to this house!” was what you heard from my little faction all night, but she was absolutely adorable in her little Ghetto Princess costume. Captain ADHD in his Ninja costume, and while we are at it, please remind me NOT to let my oldest daughter squeeze into last years witch costume, ever again. She did happen to go from a B-Cup to a Double D-Cup in the matter of a year, and she kinda looked like one of those pictures a lot of you put up! Until I found an old black wrap, to throw over her, I didn’t think she was going to get to wear a costume … geeze! Yes I get rather sick of people assuming that I have a 13 year old girlfriend … don’t ask!

Well we’ve done the loop, and we are back down my old street to get to the corner that turns over to my Aunts house, when I hear “Let’s go to this house!” and with that I turn to see Imtoocutus, and Captain ADHD running over to … oh God … my old house. That light has NEVER been on for Halloween, and I could actually feel my heart fall into my shoes, as I saw the meanest woman who ever lived open the door {she’s still a total knockout by the way just to be honest}, and start putting candy in the bags. One for the Ghetto Princess, one for …. I could see it from the street, as she looked into Captain ADHD’s face, and then she stood right up to look strait at me. It was the first time we had looked at each other since the divorce back in 98. You cannot even imagine the terror that I felt at that moment as she had completely recognized me in the face of my son. It felt like minutes before she simply said “They’re beautiful Jeremy,” and shut the door. I saw PAIN in that woman, and I was rather disturbed by it.

The story goes {as I explained it all to Lori later, as I am going off of the information of Greektradgedius again}, that she will never be able to have kids. A rather large ovarian cyst had taken that away from her shortly after our divorce, and I wouldn’t know this, if it hadn’t been a severe pipe dream that I would get back together with her after EX2 left me {in the mind of Greektradgedius ONLY}, so I was rather sad for a moment as she looked into the eyes of the children that the man she once dreamed of having children with. That is about as far as it went, because she doesn’t have me for a damn good reason thank you very much, but I still can have compassion at least. Big Evil actually held my hand back to the Minivan, as she knew exactly what had just happened, although she barely remembers EX1, she definitely knew that her daddy was sad. She gave one last TP bomb before we buckled up the two little ones and went home. She knew that would cheer up her old man better than anything. Nothing like the continuation of twisted family traditions after all. ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes...
Mental Notes& Random Musings {Daily Blog}
The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2006

Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest