Saturday, October 15, 2005

Leaning a Bit Left - Volume 4

I apologize to my adoring fans who were starting to get worried about me since the good ol’ days when I had proclaimed my undying loyalty to my wonderfully discovered liberalism. I realize that I had been doing far too much emoting lately about things like personal accountability, and cleaning up my own messes, and I truly am sorry that I had let down the cause yet again. I did go out and get someone to whip me, and paddle my ass with a huge whacking paddle last night, for my abuse to the party, and the good news about it is many of the larger cities in this great nation of ours gave me huge amounts of public funds so that it could be hung up in the schools. We all must respect art, and since all the evil Ten Commandments Crap has been taken down, we have spaces to fill. I would not know what I would do with my super dee duper liberal self if I didn’t have good old fashioned public education to teach me how to put on a condom at age 9, and how to totally hate God by age 12.

I often fall away from such wonderful teachings, and I am truly sorry. As a good liberal I also need to practice my sincere looking apologies you see for when I get my hand caught in the cookie jar.

What I really wanted to talk to you about this morning boys and girls is something that is very important to me, as it should be to all of my little liberalettes, out there in the great information superhighway that the great Al Gore created, and that is good old fashion judicial values. I find myself rather concerned you see as that evil evil man George W. Bush, now seems to think that he has the right to nominate supreme court justices. We all know that just because every president before him did it, doesn’t mean that he exactly has the right, now does it. If I were the president, which I should be after all with such incredible awe inspiring liberal values, I would never even think to appoint a judge without first going through the proper channels. There is after all a chain of command in how these things should go you see.

First they have to get the approval of the United Nations, since that is a more globally fair way of looking at how we take care of our country after all. I realize some of those evil conservatives out there will throw out such hogwash as constitutional law and how the UN is made up of 80% dictatorships that have no rights to vote in their own countries, but lets face it, we all know that some people just like being enslaved, and a good liberal such as myself will always defend such practices. I am a humanist after all.

Secondly, and almost equally as important, they will have to be approved almost exclusively by the Democrats. Fair is always about letting the minorities choose first, and have a much bigger share of the vote. Just because the Senate, the House, the Presidency, the majority of the state Governorships, A majority of the State Senates, State Houses, and roughly 62% of all publicly elected offices in this country are Republican, does not mean that they are the majority. Fact is that at least 99.2% of the world hates Republicans, and it is just an Illusion. I bet a majority of the magicians and witches in this country are Republicans and that is how they manage to fool everyone, but not me! We are talking about disenfranchisement here people, and when you hear the word disenfranchisement it means … really really bad! You should have at least figured that out by now.

Third, but in all reality the trump card that we as so brilliantly enlightened liberals hold, is the fact that despite what the constitution says, it really takes 66% of the senate to choose the judges in this country. Don’t worry kids, every time you step into a courtroom in this country and have to wait 9 months for a court date, that is just us wonderfully smarter than most liberals doing our jobs. Can you imagine the chaos in this country if that evil man in the white house was actually allowed to put judges in place, I mean our prisons would be filled with prisoners, instead of waiting lists. We all know that putting prisoners in jail is bad because criminals are just misunderstood anyway. Our little mister Filibuster will keep GW from placing anyone into the seats vacant until we get the candidates we want. That Roberts character like 29 others that he tried to put in the DC courts was turned down, until we accidentally let him slip through in 2003, when the Republicans bullied us by controlling everything. Damn voting, now I know why I love that UN dictator majority style, we just don’t have any of that free will BS.

I mean we all know that Supreme Court nominees are very important here on the left, since they are not to actually interpret the law, we need them to actually rewrite it for us. Could you imagine how awful that whole election back in 2000 would have been, if it weren’t for that Giant Among Men Lawton Childes, and the fact that he managed to get a total state supreme court in Florida to be Democrat {oh sorry one was an Independent … wink wink}, I mean that Bush fellow would have been better prepared to assume office if it wasn’t for their enlightened ability to overturn congressionally voted on law. We can’t just have these things dictated by the voters, because then that whole 62% Republican officials factor, just gets in the way of progress. It’s like the wonderfully enlightened forefathers of our liberal movement {hippies in the 60’s of course} always told us. It wasn’t all about spitting on boys in the evil colors of government and smoking pot you know. There were actual ideals, I think.

I’m not really afraid of those evil conservatives taking away our women’s rights to kill babies … um … oops … bad Jeremy bad … more spankings later … I mean to choice fetuses {and then juggle them on street corners of course … don’t forget the cause … fight the power!}, that one is pretty much in there now, it’s the big prizes we need to start looking at. We need to have the people in place to somehow completely forget the fact that the second amendment was created when it was illegal to take up arms against an unfair government, since that was what they were doing when they wrote it, before they start to remember that they have every right to do that now. I think we shall just keep convincing everyone that only criminals have guns, until we can make everyone with one, as such. Since getting that taken out of the constitution might be hard, we better keep Bush from nominating Judges who can read, until we can get the ones in there who only feel. I love it when a plan comes together. ;8o)