Friday, October 28, 2005

From The Desk Of The Jeremy Crow R&D Department - Volume 2

Now, I have a little test for all of you, and I want you to understand that there is no pass/fail in this, but I really want to prove a point about something, and I seriously value all of your input. Now look at the picture, and just take a moment to get an impression of it in your mind. Once you have formed your opinion, you may continue on …

That picture of me was on my “other” 360 page so that one of my favorites people in the world can have my updates, while the Yahell Gods have chosen to NOT allow us to be linked correctly here. I received 6 comments from some of her friends, which ranged from “Very cute picture”, to “You look so happy”, and a few things that I will not talk about here, as it is NOT one of those blogs {although there will be one of those blogs tonight … I’m feeling rather playful}, and the truth of the matter is, that THIS is my favoritest picture of me ever. I looked kinda like a Brad Pitt/Kurt Russell mix, with a little bit of bad boy, and tender soul combined. I will say though, that at the time this picture was taken, the portrait was a complete fraud to what you are thinking.

The picture DOES NOT show the reality of the times, and although I had that taken almost 4 years ago exactly, those that have read all of my blogs, already know where this is going. I still look almost identical to that picture {with the exception of a few years on me of course}, and my waist is still a trim 30 inches, shoulders 42 inches … I probably could indeed retake that picture as I still have that shirt, I just can’t hold the kids like I did then, because they refuse to stop growing, and I have a bad back. So what has changed in that picture, you may ask? First off the man inside that picture, was about 2 weeks away from his last suicide attempt. Didn’t see that one did you? Secondly the little girl on the left, was almost completely deaf, at that time. Thirdly the little boy on the right arm was about 4 months away from burning down an entire apartment complex, killing several small animals, and sending a few people to the hospital. Lastly, I must add, that was one of the top ten worst days of my life. So I assume that you all saw at least most of that right? Please don’t allow the truth of the circumstances to change your view of that picture, because as I said, that IS my favoritest picture of me after all.

The truth behind what happened before that picture was taken at my oldest daughters band concert, and last day of school which I just had sprung on me {the farewell to my daughter, from the teacher earlier in the show let the cat out of the bag a little early you see}, from my wonderful Ex Wife, and she intended to move away with the kids. Very far away, and that her new boyfriend, of about 2 weeks {the crack dealer, if my memory serves me right} had a job out there. Due to her incredible ability to commit the greatest acts of evil, she had picked this opportunity to spring it on me, as there was not a thing I could do about it as it was too late to get a court order, and I had ALWAYS done whatever I could to not flip my lid in front of the kids. I just dealt with this little trauma as best I could for the sake of the kids, which she to this day has NEVER done. The next day, with her in a different state {a communist one at that … Maine … ack}, I had discovered that I could do absolutely NOTHING, to get my kids back closer, and more over she had already applied for welfare, and all of the other goodies that made her invulnerable to anything. As most of you know … I was already insane, and now my poisoned mind was just willing to wither away, and I prayed for death. I imagine you all saw that too right? Enough of all of that, if you read through my stuff already, you know that in the end it all worked out, and if you didn’t you know that 4 months later I had custody of my kids, and my suicide attempt, once again failed.

So you are probably wondering, where I am going with all of this, and here is the kicker. I just received a few e-mails, 360 messages, a couple of IM’s about that whole Aubrey Geary {not her real name anyway, as she told me personally} lunacy. The new rumor is that the Feds are involved, and fortunately the people I actually talk to a lot, are just as intelligent as I am and know that that is just crap, and should just be done with. If the Feds were patrolling Yahell looking for someone who might have possibly been several 360 ID’s, then I never want to hear about how Iraq is a waste of money again, because we obviously as a country waste money … period. It all started with her pictures. I have told her, I am telling you … I think they are not her … I don’t freaking care. If it is a picture that you judge someone on to begin with {and don’t give me this crap about them being a phony either, denial is not a river in Egypt ok?}, then you are just a piece of shit. That picture up there of Jeremy, at the time it was taken, swore that he was a bad father, who was fat, ugly, unworthy, stupid, useless, un-loved, un-wanted, and should be dead. That pictured lied to you too, and it is not MY fault, that you didn’t know the person inside of it. He’s been screaming the entire time.

I love poking through everyone’s innards on this here 360 experiment. It amazes me that I find every single person I meet to be beautiful, until they prove me wrong, usually by opening their mouths. The pictures they display, or the things that I might find peculiar usually only make them more interesting. I also see something else that most people don’t see online, and I have argued it many times, and will continue to do so {since I always “call’s them as I see’s them”}, and that is the fact that EVERYONE ends up on the other end of a computer, on the internet because they have issues. Some are good Some are bad. Some are normal. Some are weird. In the end, I hope that we all find some solace in what we are trying to accomplish online, because we need to stop placing labels on people, especially the ones who might just hate themselves enough, that they need to hide behind a fake smile. Trust me I know. ;8o)