Friday, September 30, 2005

Superdaddyman Takes on Lazius Boycrazius - Volume 2

Well what do I know I am just a simple Crime Fighter, the Guardian of the Evils’s, Virginity Defender, The Man With NO Plan, I just go to work everyday, give 99.9% of my paycheck over to two separate Terrorist Organizations {The Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils’s “TOKE” & Mophaka Al Queholic “MAQ”}, and the other .1% I get to enjoy buying an Ice Cawfeeee for the fair Miss Polly Pureheart. I realize that I don’t suffer in all of this because, heaven knows, that three evil lil’ bastards with age differences that almost span an actual generation, are nothing but good times and roses all the time. Watch as I do the ceremonial “Lucky Me” dance, and toss daisies to the crowd. I am hampered with a serious problem that MANY of you face, and I have chosen to deal with it the wrong way. Ask my Aunt “The Special Ed Teacher”, and you will understand how bad I truly am. The amazing thing is, that she MIGHT have actually been right, but I failed to see the point as her plan of attack, as an obvious henchman of MAQ was revealed to Superdaddyman last night. Behold the power of the things I say, and the things I DO NOT say.

I finally got the “Lazius Boycrazius, is failing in school” call yesterday. I say finally as in … well … it happens every year you see. Usually about 4 or 5 times a year, and it is the most insane crap, next to the phone calls about Captain ADHD disrupting class. I AM to the point where I say, “Well of course she is, don’t you people ever read transcripts?” like I do when I get the Captain ADHD calls. There is actually a good reason for all of this. I am a VERY concerned father. I did two tours of duty in PTA, held THE WORST posts none the less {Secretary & Treasurer … if you have never done PTA, these are the two that work, the rest of them come in and whine, get a cookie, and vote on more jobs for THE SECRETARY & THE TREASURER! Makes me wonder who the children are usually.}, and I always take school issues with my children seriously, or at least I used to. My father was a school teacher, and he went insane, and moved to Florida, where he and his almost as crazy {but she has Alzheimer’s at least} mother, live in a duplex I put the money down on. Oh yeah did I ever mention I am co-dependant? It is the same thing every year, she’s failing, I’m spending many hours breaking my balls baby sitting her during her homework {because if you don’t sit and stare at her, and check it all when she is done, it won’t get done}, so that right up until the last day of school the teachers will question if I am doing enough. She then brings home her report card full of B’s and C’s!

I get INFURIATED that they don’t even have the courage to ACTUALLY flunk her, like she deserves. I do my part, they send her along, she doesn’t learn anything! I washed my hands of it this time. I told the teacher that she needs to flunk … period. I have always believed that a good failure can motivate, and if it doesn’t then you AT LEAST have something to work with. “You failed. Do you want to stay back?” or something along those lines. Instead it is the same routine. She lies, I find out, she cries, tells me she is stupid, and she quits. That’s what her mother does, and it’s who she learned it from, and after my Aunt decided to talk to her about all of this, she gave her the crocodile routine, turned on the water works, and said she was stupid, and she quits. I’ve been getting this for three years. I said what I felt I should have said, but hadn’t {because I have been told it is wrong, and didn’t care anymore} “That is exactly the same act your mother does, and I am sorry that you learned it from her. You always say you want nothing to do with her, if you keep quitting without trying, and lying about it, than you know what will happen.”

Big Evil just stared at me, and my Aunt went mental … she started yelling at me in front of her {yanno about not doing things like … um … THAT?} and I stood there and lashed back {instinct sorry}, as I said, “No, we have been doing it that way long enough, and it isn’t working she just gets worse” I was very fortunate that my Aunt {the Sped teacher remember} totally emoted EVERYTHING that my daughter should be feeling over that comment, and Big Evil grabbed the ball and started running with it. First she placed her face down on the table, and started bawling. {keep in mind that Superdaddyman knows this trick, as with the face down on the table, you can cover up any of the accidental laughter} The Aunt of course is just continuing the discussion. She is going to want to be more like her mother, she is going to hate you, etc etc etc {Superdaddyman trick number two, you should always note, that the bawling always quiets to silence when advice on how to react is being given}, and I finally say “This is going OUTSIDE!” where Greektradgedius Inyiddish refereed the whole thing {silently I might add, very peculiar}

Other than the 3 things I said previous the only other thing I said was, “I have been living this Pat, I took her to a psychiatrist at your urging on this 2 years ago, and HE SAID, and I quote ‘She is NOT depressed, she is just really lazy, and she is an abuse survivor, which makes her far more stubborn than you will ever be, so you need to make sure that she knows what is right and wrong’ and he even told me that it was a waste of TIME for her to see him because she is perfectly FINE otherwise!”, and then I simply stood there staring at her in silence, as I listened to her spout about it all. I had to, because I know some stuff. I know about her daughter who tries to starve herself 4 times a year {another family disease} and does it no matter what. She uses it to torture her mother, as she moves in with her at least 3 times a year and holds her hostage with the knowledge of “If you don’t do what I want, I will die here in your house”. I know about her son who festered away $180,000 of her money {and about $14,000 of mine with it during one of those Greektradgedius moments, like my mother}, at an Ivy League University so he can become a fisherman. All the time threatening to disown her if she didn’t. I know what her parenting skills brought, and I also know that she would have been on the brink of suicide herself if I had brought it up. After she left Greektradgedius even told me that she was proud of me for not going in for the kill, I actually was too, which is what really matters.

I realize that in a lot of ways, what I did could be construed as wrong, but I have to do some things my way. Taking advice from most of my family is like trying to skydive without a parachute. Actually, no … that is too obviously stupid. I know this, when I got a call from Captain ADHD’s Guidance councilor a few days ago, and he told me that he was doing SO MUCH better, and he wanted to know what had changed {as I had had a discussion with him a couple of weeks before, since they thought he WASN’T even on medication, he was being SO BAD}, and I told him the truth. “I told him if I heard that he was falling off of his chair and pretending to have convulsions in school, whenever the teacher told him to do something again, I was going to spank him until he couldn’t walk” and I sat there while I heard the crickets in the background, knowing that he was absolutely mortified by what I just said, and then added “The trick is to make him repeat it 3 times to you, so that you know he understood it.” don’t think that Lazius Boycrazius, is the only one who thinks they can get away with anything because the adults told them they had issues. ;8o)