Saturday, September 3, 2005

Superdaddyman Takes on Captain ADHD - Volume 1

Darius Franklin - named after the king of Persia during the bible years and his lovable father’s middle name ... Code Name "Captain ADHD" aka “Middle Evil” ... phylum "Ididntdoit" - greatest contributions to the world thus far - Has eliminated any threats to the household that may enter through the back yard, by capturing any and all intruders {usually frogs, some salamanders, various insects, and a particularly slow moving chipmunk} and storing them in numerous forms of prisons, usually without air holes - Future great moments should include … The rolling news footage of him holding the entire Earth hostage with some sort of giant magnifying glass, for a ransom that will include 1 Meeeelllliiiiooooooonnnn Dollars, only to be thwarted by Superdaddyman at the last minute, because of some comical mishap that will probably be during his long drawn out explanation of his ingenious plot.

It’s only the third day of school, was the thought going through Superdaddyman’s head as the special red phone that links directly to the school guidance councilors office, was pressed firmly to his ear. The Superdaddyman signal was brightly lit in the sky, signaling great peril in the town of Megalopolis where the only thing that protects the innocents from Captain ADHD, and his evil plans to rule the world, is the sleepless dedication of Superdaddyman. This was a real emergency though, so we are taking you live to the scene. Superdaddyman immediately puts all of his almost important things, like FOBW door greeter, and PM guidance councilor duties on hold, so that he can field the important alert. Captain ADHD is up to great evil, so the cape and tights must be appropriately taken from the laundry and donned once more.

“You called to tell me that Darius is doing what?” Superdaddyman asked groggily trying to assess the situation to the best of his ability. The infuriating part of not going anywhere in life is that you tend to be trapped on a sick cycle carousel with all the other people who have no worldly expectations either, and unfortunately Captain ADHD’s guidance councilor is one of these, people who just so happened to be one of Superdaddyman’s classmates in school, so he has an annoying habit of personalizing all of the relative Captain ADHD information. “Well you see Darius is just like you were when you were that age, apparently he is a little too advanced for his classes, and it is getting to be a little out of hand this year,” the guidance councilor stated on the other end of the Superdaddyman hotline. “I mean, he is in a class full of kids trying to learn how to add and subtract, and apparently he knows how to multiply and divide, so the lessons appear to be a little boring to him”

The shock and dismay that is going through Superdaddyman’s head as the concept of Captain ADHD’s advanced mental capacity, is going to be a weekly discussion for another year, is starting to set off the voices again. While we are on that subject, why do all the angry voices, always talk louder than the happy voices? “Kill Kill Kill“, and “You know they are out to get you!” always seem to be so much louder than the voices saying “Love them” and “Do something nice” but I guess that is a different blog offering, so I will get back on point. “The teacher seemed to think that it was a brilliant idea to let Darius teach the class, while he was standing on his head in the back of the room?” Superdaddyman man deduced after much speculation about his personal parenting habits was weeded through and dismissed offhand {of course} “I mean, all the times that you call me on the phone to tell me that he is a control freak, with the attention span of a horny cat, hasn’t some how made it into a file that gets handed down from teacher to teacher?” Superdaddyman belted out with his overwhelming powers of Passivogressiveness!

“Well the teacher didn’t realize that a 6 year old would go up to the board and state that ‘addition and subtraction are for babies’ and start attempting to teach the other children ‘Base Ten’ calculus, and especially ….” and I had to cut him off at this point to interject, “ And how long did it take the teacher to realize that he was going to do this like say … I dunno … A child with ADHD that happens to be a genius … as you spent all of the last 2 years explaining to me … weekly??” which was met with the silence that I so richly desired.

It was quite one thing to explain to me how Captain ADHD was disruptive in way or another, but to call and talk to me about one of the teachers poor decisions {that also apparently went way to far if he had gotten all the way to base ten, from simple arithmetic by the way}, but it was quite another to question why I have taught my son to do complicated math, when it is one of the few things that keeps him occupied on THIS END of his day to day. Unlike the people at school, I have to deal with the evil genius that comes home after the Adderol wears off! I made the analogy that perhaps Captain ADHD does get bored easily at school because he usually grasps the concept of things pretty quickly, but the good news is that he seems to take forever on the simple things like, “stop taking apart the furniture“, or “please stop dumping things in the toilet” to make up for it.

Superdaddyman is not particularly thrilled with the schools new concept of having a “play area” set up in the back of the classroom now so that Captain ADHD can simply go back there and entertain himself while the rest of the class is catching up to his levels of abilities. Ok well partly because it doesn’t help him get past his know it all attitude, and partly because I am jealous that I didn’t have one when I was in second grade, but mostly because it will start to create that isolation state that helped to get his daddy rather messed up. In the end though, it’s a good thing that Captain ADHD has his father {the artist known as Superdaddyman} to at the very least try to assist in his education, and hopefully keep him from going toward the road of total world domination. ;8o)