Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Livin' With Evils's - Volume 10

Ok, it’s war now! I found out that one of the most feared members of TOKE {the Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils’s} has infiltrated one of my war rooms, and has taken one of my most sacred objects! Season 2 of “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” is missing, and upon crossing enemy lines disguised as an angry father, Superdaddyman {aka “The Wig“ in honor of the Looney Leftist Lesbian who bought said Sacred object for Superdaddyman} notes, that there is no way in HELL that he is going to find it in that bedroom! As a matter of fact he can’t find a BED in THAT bedroom! On the far wall, there does appear to be something that looks kinda like a window, but it is hard to see it through all of the piles of neglected homework! Superdaddyman is going to have to think up a plan of attack quickly, before the girls get home from school and use the Confundus Curse on a poor confused enough already Superdaddyman!

The “Confundus Curse” is an old trick that the two super evils’s {Lazius Boycrazius & Imtoocutus} had learned by reading Harry Potter {that’s what you get for teaching them to read Dumbass}, which involves great mental strength and superior intellect, but “The Faction” {as these two are known if “The Boy” isn’t involved}, have mastered it to a tee.

“I didn’t do it, she did!” ah yes, I was prepared for this one. Note the way they both said it in perfect unison, like a Satanic version of En Vouge, with the two part harmony. Neither of them breaking eye contact with Superdaddyman, not even for an instance. Their solidarity in the way they use the Confundus Charm is alarming! The trick is to stand your ground, and get these two to simply pick up the room, despite their objections to the obvious plan of attack.

“I don’t care who did this, you are both going to have to clean this mess up, it’s you girls’ room,” said a dumbfounded Superdaddyman trying to maintain, his good grace, while not giving in to the temptation to yell. He knows that yelling, and erratic behavior, is exactly what they want. They break you that way you see, as strong as they are to hold the ground of laziness, ever harder must Superdaddyman hold his ground to NOT reduce himself to their infantile level. No way … No How!

After a very loud crash the alarms start sounding “Daddy, she’s NOT HELPING!!”, and we are off again, the trick is to make a slight pounding in your steps when you go up the stairs to have a chat with Imtoocutus, she is a primal beast, and responds much better to certain stimuli, like sound, and bright lights. You have to make sure that you are using the level one foot pounding, and the mild arguing with yourself. Anything more, and you have nothing left in the guns for future visits to the enemy camp. “Daddy, I was helping!” was the first thing that the littlest, yet evilest of the two said before the door was even half way open.

“Look … I don’t care who thinks who did what, please clean this mess up, you two made it and I have important things to do!” as you will note there is one exclamation point added to signify that the tone of voice has elevated slightly. I then went downstairs to the SuperdaddymanCave {aka … the smoking area with the computer} to get back to my all important blogging.

A faint voice came from the top of the stairs, several minutes later “Um .. Daddy?” was the voice of Imtoocutus, and although Superdaddyman can see through this evil plot he plays along by saying “What?!” again noting the one exclamation point. The answer came down just as sweet and soft “I love you”, which is a common tactic of the “Little Evil” to beguile Superdaddyman with the treachery of good intentions, when in reality, it is an excuse to roam around the house hoping that the other evil, will get a big chunk of the cleaned done, while she is getting reamed. It is a small price to pay, in the interest of not doing anything, but Superdaddyman knows all, as he yells back, “I love you too, now get back to cleaning!!” uh oh, is that two exclamation points we see?

“GET OUT OF HERE!!!!” and a lot of things being thrown around … absolute chaos! Pounding much harder, speaking to himself a lot clearer our brave defender of the evils’s, storms up the stairs, and opens the door with a pronounced thud. Sprawled out in the middle of the floor making “Snow Angels” in the mess is Captain ADHD, and the girls each laying on each of their beds. Lazius Boycrazius on one bed with her headphones on reading the new Harry Potter book {most definitely looking for new magical sh*t to use on Superdaddyman}, on the other one Imtoocutus, playing with her box full of Barbie dolls. The only one in here that seems to be expending any energy is Captain ADHD, but he ISN’T cleaning exactly EITHER! “I am giving you girls until 7 o’clock to have this room cleaned, or else you are both going to bed at 7:30!! Have I made myself CLEAR!!!” whoa, a third exclamation point has been added, Superdaddyman must be pissed. The Confundus Charm is working.

“That’s MINE … YOU GAVE IT TO ME!” followed by a high pitched “WAAAAAAAHHHIIIIEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA” which usually means there is in-fighting amongst the natives … AGAIN! BANG - BANG - BANG, "&^%**&^ … $@*&^% … &*^%$#" there were no louder footsteps left in Superdaddyman’s arsenal of fear tactics now, and the language was downright loud, and possibly could qualify as child abuse in many southern states. The door is now banged open! The mess is still all around, except for perhaps all of the FOOD that was added to it, and slopped all over EVERYTHING! … “WHO THE HELL GAVE YOU KIDS FOOD!!!!?” the fourth exclamation point is now added, anything more involves a lot of beer, and a bar with rednecks to fight with. “WHO!!!!?” as Captain ADHD came into the room holding an ice cream that was dripping all over his pajamas. “Bummy gave it to us, cuz Tabrina was upset that she didn’t get desert,” and I knew it all along! Greektradgedius Inyiddish and those Mophaka Al-Queholic {MAQ} goons were in on this from the start too. Just wait until Superdaddyman gets home from work tomorrow, he’s gonna hide the damn dog, on her again. ;8o)