Monday, August 8, 2005

Things You Learn From Your Ex Wife's Girlfriend - Volume 3


Well there are some other great advantages to having an ex-wife who left you for a woman (and a cool one at that), when you factor in the guilt that hits her every so often. I see that the really hard time of the year on her conscience will be around now, since the boom month is on. The boom months meaning that I have all three kids birthdays, and back to school shopping all within a month of each other. This can be rather daunting on a poor white trash, feeding 5 people, single daddy salary, and it usually leaves my bank account exhausted for the Christmas season to boot. The only real advantage is that the ex-wife’s mother and her were out of the equation for this year, which also were mixed in with that financial catastrophe.

It was a very strange thing, when I got a phone call from my ex and she wanted to take the kids out clothes shopping, and to Chuck-E-Cheese on Saturday, but I was thrilled to get rid of them for a few hours anyway. I rather expected her to go out and buy them a couple of outfits and call them birthday presents as well, which would have helped out immeasurably in the long run. I was kinda shocked to see her girlfriend come with her this time, since she usually doesn’t go out with the ex and her mother, when they are with the kids. I’ve called the two of them “The Rainbow Coalition’s Jay and Silent Bob” now for a few blogs, so as you probably already know, I kinda like the two of them anyway, and never really cared if they were together around the kids.

The Ex of course got out of the car, and started prattling like she always does, and I just stepped into still married to her mode. You know that mode “Uh-Huh …. Yep …. Uh-Huh …. Really? …. Wow!” etc, etc while her girlfriend stood there looking terrified of children, which I kinda expected from a life long lesbian, but I also thought she was personable enough to get the hang of it. She also shot me one of those “God help me” kinda looks to which I said to her, “You can always bring them back early, everyone else does.” She was actually very lucky that the oldest (Lazius Boycrazius) wasn’t around to really wind the other two up.

I tried to take a nap during the time that they were gone, and it didn’t go very well, the final “you ain’t takin a nap” moment was the phone call from the ex, telling me that they were bringing the kids back. Mind you it was roughly 2 hours earlier than they said they would be gone, but at 90 minutes it was at least 45 minutes longer than I thought they would make it. Like a good daddy I went upstairs to wait for their arrival, and to find out who hit who, and what type of food was thrown, and who wouldn’t stop screaming. The usual list of things that accompany my kids on their travels.

The ex had some good tales of Captain ADHD terrorizing small families, and Imtoocutus, antagonizing him while he was ridding the world of evil quite, but the 4 HUGE bags of clothes, and back-packs and new shoes ad infinitum was shocking. I asked her if she wanted any money for any of this, and she looked at me with that “I would love to take your money” expression on her face that I knew all too well, having been married to her, but it was her girlfriend that actually responded with “We bought the clothes, and it was the least we could do.” which I looked over towards her while she said “And those are NOT their birthday presents, we’ll bring those over as their birthdays get here.” which still left me a little stunned.

My ex’s present explained about how she didn’t know how I could do it, just dealing with kids at all, especially financially. I seriously think that she was trying to make a point to my ex who was a real money grubber, and left me with some (but not a lot) of debt, crying the whole time about how poor the divorce made HER. It was very heartening to hear nice things about Singledaddyman from someone who really didn’t have a dog in the fight. It was also really nice to not have to do any clothes shopping for the kids school year, much less have to spend the well over 300$ that they did on the clothes also.

As usually happened, I thanked them both for everything, and gave them each a hug, before I went inside and even looked at the clothes for the first time. My Ex’s Present even made a point to say that they were coming over to get “Big Evil” and take her out to get clothes next week, and if it were ok with me, maybe even a make over,. I was too ingratiated at the time to make a joke about giving her a lesbian make over before her mothers weekend please, which would have been my typical passive aggressive style. After seeing everything that they had gotten, I then realized the whole scope of the great gift that I had actually gotten as much as the kids. Well I guess that means I have to still honor her and her mothers birthday this year, but I can afford it a lot easier now. Perhaps I should start buying birthday and Christmas presents for the newest member of my kids family too. ;8o)