Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Truth About Cats and Dogs - Volume 2

Let me simply preface this whole entry for today with a few insights as to how and why I started blogging. In the initial Blog entry (for those of you who went back and read them) I was simply trying to make a statement on what I learned from my sixteenth year sober, and what I hoped to accomplish in the following year. It was met by a very angry woman’s retaliation, of whining to all of her friends because I called another woman the most beautiful woman I ever met. This woman who of course happened to be my ex-girlfriend after the “beautiful” one, then used her wonderful brand of manipulation, to finally get me enraged enough to get into a large amount of pissing contest with her. I of course was too stupid to know how to delete the entry, and was forced to write my second Blog entry, merely to get the first one off of my profile page. The second one of course, I initially thought had nothing to do with anyone except myself, and it should offend nobody. Well aside from a few people giving me a hard time because of my HUGE ego as they had put it, I actually started getting a lot of people asking if I was going to do another one. I did do another one, etc. etc. etc.

I set down a few ground rules with myself. The first was, “Think up a topic and let it flow out of you from there” … “Don’t edit what you are writing, just let it come out and live with it” … and “Don’t ever cave in to what anyone says about it”. The only time that it never works that way is when I have any topic that is going to force me to say something about women, a particular woman, or anything to do with women. Every time I have sat down with that intention in mind, the red flags fly around my head, and then I end up writing topic number two, and holding the “anything to do with women” Blog entry for the next day. The moral to that story is that anything to do with women will inevitably turn me into a simpering, half hearted, hypocrite, but I think I am going to be able to change that today.

It’s actually normal for a man today to be afraid of how he talks and behaves around a woman. We have been trained from birth in some ridiculously closed minded way to treat women as out equals, or actually to be honest, as exactly the same as us, only with a few minor differences. I have been tolerant to this belief on the outside for so many years that it forces me to censor some of the things I say, based on allowable pre-conceived notions that are allowed to be applied to any man that points a gender fault. I have well noted that when I point out the observation of one of my own, then I am astute, and rather funny, but if I touch a woman, I am a pig, usually with hardly any discussion afterward. Well everyone, allow me to say this once and for all, the genders are very different and each has their good and bad. Live with it.

Men inherently bond better than women, and have far better abilities to forgive. A typical woman is now trying to prove me wrong or has totally abandoned listening to me further at this point, but let me try to explain. Men seriously don’t hold grudges as well as women might think, and women hold grudges far better than any man could understand. I can run into absolutely any a-hole that used to beat me up in school, and we will smack each other on the back, big grins, and probably go on about old times together like we were best friends. It’s in our nature to be like that. A woman can run into someone who was her best friend in school, and for whatever reason, that woman is probably to her “a bitch” or some other commonality that resembles it. The perfect test for this I say to all women is this, “Think back to when you were in school. How many friends do you have still?” Most women can give one, hardly any can give two, and most of the honest ones will say 0. It’s not in a woman’s nature. Most of the women who have friends from High School are forced into it by DNA links of some sort. Now since I am not a woman, I won’t give an exact reason why, because it would simply be speculation.

Men also have the innate ability to use less rationality in their decision making, or their judgments {not including myself because as most of the people who know me know I am pretty much a bitch}, this is one of the reasons why most of the idiot men who cheat on their girlfriends or wives do it, and the others never even think about it really. There is no real planning of the evil or way not evil stuff that they do. Some might call it instincts, other might call it thoughtlessness, others still might just call it nesting. I am a stereotypical nester, so I tend to never think of cheating, and don’t assume that my girlfriend or wife is because I don’t see it that way. Of course a woman’s jealousy, will always lead me to believe that it might be all they think about, and start to turn me away from them also {but once again, I am such a bitch} and lead to a breakup. While on the other hand, a woman might spend a lot more time worrying about the inane, and talk herself into that which isn’t there. She might have help from her friends as well (the ones she has had for months, because of what we talked about before) in the decisions that lead to … he doesn’t love me the right way … he stopped treating me like I want to be treated … he isn’t growing with the relationship … ad nausea … until she either leaves him, forces him to leave her, or worse yet … Totally Plots her affair. This being another big difference with the cats and dogs.

So in the end I am sure that everyone is asking themselves “What has brought on this little tirade, from our cartoon character we know and love?” and it actually stems from something that was on my mind this week quite a bit, and with my pathetic way that I over-analyze everything, it involved into a Blog entry that still hasn’t even mentioned the scenario. You see whether I like it or not my entire life has been dominated by women, and still is to this day. Everything I do, everything I have become has been dictated to me by fear of women in general. Don’t get me wrong … I LOVE WOMEN … they make up my list of closest friends. I have two daughters (Lazius Boycrazius & Imtoocutus) and a Grandmother (Greektradgedius Inyiddish) who I live with that in many ways I am forced to learn about or bow too, but a scenario came up that is going to happen next week which amused me, and initially I was going to share it, and now I finally will.

My youngest daughter (a very very young woman) is having her 5th birthday next week. She has requested that my Ex Wife (the lesbian) and her girlfriend (surprise surprise another lesbian) attend her birthday party, to which I have absolutely no problem with. How very 90’s of me huh? Of course here’s where it gets sketchy, you see, do you honestly think Greektradgedius Inyiddish is gonna make it a fun outing? Sorry about the pun. This led me also to wonder about the humor in the fact that the wonderful woman I have been seeing for the last few weeks, will not be invited. This is because I don’t involve the kids in my relationships unless it is really really serious, and has been for a while. Keeping in mind that this woman, thank GOD totally understands that.

So with the way my mind works, this led me to wonder about my last girlfriend, who coincidentally DID meet the kids, after a good length of time, and immediately turned psycho afterwards. How would she have dealt with that … well she would have been furious, because my Ex wife was to be totally eradicated from the kids lives in her mind. This is NOT the woman who gave birth to them, she would say, so she had the opportunity to be in their lives, and she chose to leave. Of course I understand that although she left (I wonder why hehehe), she at least will show up, and bring presents, unlike the woman who DID give birth to them, who won’t. She of course will be in a bar on her daughters birthday crying about how life isn’t fair, and will never get her a gift. None of these things are poor Imtoocutus’s fault, keep in mind, they all happen to be the issues that her father Superdaddyman, has to deal with, and does to the best of HIS ability. Understanding the differences between the genders, and trying to overcome the complications that my gender brings into any situation, is an important part of growing up.;8o)