Saturday, August 13, 2005

The Truth About Cats and Dogs - Volume 1

I remember this argument that I was having with the “Evil Binostopholese” about cats and dogs. You see she had it stuck in her head that all dogs were boys and all cats were girls, and there was nothing that I was going to say to change this belief to her, no way no how. I tried to tell her that Tommy (our A-Hole yappy pathetic Scotty Dog) was a boy, and that only reinforced her argument. As I tried to explain to her that Dinah (my ex wife’s far more pathetic coward of an Aussie Shepard) is a girl, she would simply have nothing of it. The sad news for all of you out there is that these types of arguments, don’t get any better with time. All jokes about Mars and Venus aside, we all still maintain a certain level of arrogance and ignorance in our understanding of the opposite sex in most facets of our lives. The sad thing though is that once you understand the variables of “most” members of the opposite sex, then it is actually a lot easier to deal with it. The problem of course is our inability to accept these simple facts, that we always want to just cast off as stereotypical. I am going to write down a few of these things, just so I can say “consult the blog” and save a lot of my own breath in the future.

Fridays are a very easy day at work for me … Most of my workmates have the day off, so it is usually a wonderful opportunity for many of the office women to walk down to the floor to “bitch” about their interpersonal relationships. Now I do realize that it seems to most people (especially if you refuse to accept some simple facts) that the term “bitch” might seem a little harsh or judgmental, but I keep things pretty simple when I talk to anyone about opposite sex secrets. Bitching is really the only way to put it after all these years. It is very rare to see a woman who is truly happy with the man that they are with, and even if it is jokingly stated at times, I have for the most part believed that it is a definite woman trait to enjoy a certain level of pity as it pertains to their relationships. This day was no different, of course, so I keep it simple. I proceeded to beat the dead horse with the usual pithy statements that usually get me out of such conversations, but rarely get listened to. “He probably doesn’t actually understand what you want because you don’t tell him and only assume that he should know,” or of course “You knew that when you entered the relationship, you are just still upset that you haven’t been able to change that about him,” and let us not forget, “Perhaps you should try to understand what he is doing, wanting, or feeling, before you assume it is just wrong.”

The first little secret I will let out to any woman who chooses to listen to it here about men in general, is to simply look at stereotypical man habits and see what good qualities they have. A perfect example of this is sports. Any woman who takes issue with a man being incredibly dedicated to a sports team for instance, often gets what she deserves in the end. You may ask “why?” to this statement but it is really far more simple than you would think. Men who are seriously dedicated to a sports team, tend to be incredibly dedicated in general. I am a serious Patriots fan for instance, and once a week I am going to be glued to the TV, and anybody who wants to interfere with that can go to hell. Mind you, a once a week investment of my time, makes me very happy. Those who can not spare me that aren’t worth it. They are far too possessive, and in all reality are pretty selfish. On the bright side of this, you could simply see it as being dedicated, and I like most die hard sports fans carry that over into other things, like our relationships. The opposite of that is really sick, and I have witnessed it EVERY time. The “go out of their way to point it out” non sports fans, are the really sick ones. The most mentally and emotionally abused women on earth, are the ones who’s husbands, boyfriends, etc, come from this group. If they are someone who says “unless you count hunting?” then they are usually physically abusive too. I can’t completely put my finger on that one, since I don’t like hunting, and am a die hard sports fan, but I think it has to do with being emotionally un-attached to begin with. Now the hunting thing doesn’t apply if they are a sports fan of course. Go figure. Like it, lump it, live with it.

Men who are overly in love with their moms, will almost always never be happy with the person that you are. That is a given fact in today’s society I know, but let me explain the opposite end of the spectrum. Men (such as myself, I’ll admit it) who tend to absolutely hate their mothers to the core, usually settle for anything, in our search for a woman who is better than our mothers. We in turn end up like our fathers, whether it is good or bad. In my case, it constitutes hopelessness at times to ever be happy with a woman, and just waiting for them to break my heart, so that I can go on to the next one and wait for her to do it, etc etc etc. This changes dramatically based on the “Father” figure, you see, and not the “Mother” figure. I usually see men emulating how their father reacts to a bad mother, more often than reacting to the bad mother in general. Some of the fathers become abusive with everyone except the mother, some become abusive to the mother, others simply disassociate from women all together, and many become overly compensative towards the feelings of others because of the enabling necessary to deal with the mother. In any case these are far more particular warning signs of what to expect from a man that anything else. Almost anyone who knows me, and my father will point out our identical natures, when dealing with women. Overly generous, emotionally elusive, terrified of confrontation. I at least try to work on these things, but I do fail often, so as I have said a million times, don’t ever assume that you are going to change that guy, either accept him, or leave the poor bastard alone.

One last note, while I am still giving us “Men” our props, the jealous types. This goes for women too, and you don’t have to like what I am saying, but heed my warning on this one. Most people who are unnecessarily jealous, are thinking about cheating on you ALL THE TIME. It is a dead give away, that anyone who is so mired in their own sh** will always assume that you are just as sick as they. Don’t get me wrong though, you CAN impose this on someone as well. Any woman who has ever rammed their jealousy down my throat long enough, will start making me jealous as well, and I am quite sure that it works in reverse. I have been with a lot of jealous people, and inevitably they cheat, or sooner or later they drive you to wish you did. The people who are truly comfortable with themselves show it with their trust. My best statement on all of this is that “Nobody is worth getting an ulcer over,” and believe me, that type of behavior is totally poisonous to your soul in generally. Blissfully ignorant keeps me happy, and whether anyone wants to admit it or not, that is all that really matters in the end.

Now I‘d thank my daughter for helping me to see some of the wonderful truths in the whole “Cats & Dogs“ analogy, and I think that it might be a very good thread in “As the Blog Turns“, but as I have said for many years now, it‘s really only my job to be a good excuse for their drinking problems later. It never ceases to amaze me either how many people assume that I am a good father, purely based on the fact that I raise my children alone. I have said it a million times that the only reason I do is because their mother can‘t. Honesty is that I am at least willing to admit that weekend visitations and half my paycheck sent to them every week sounds like a far better deal, but once again it is the acceptance of what is, as apposed to the desperation to change that which may never be. ;8o)