Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Things you learn with a Bad Back - Volume 2

Well, I took a day off from the Blog to get some other things done, and I was pleased that a few people kinda missed it. I was fighting with one of two topics today ... this one ... or Things I Learned since I started a Blog. I chose to go with the one that will cause the least amount of resentments, but be forewarned .... It's coming.

The back has been getting worse over the last two weeks and I am sorry to say that I am now starting to loose the use of my right leg. The strain from the ruptured disk is pinching off the nerve that controls it, so I am suffereng atrophy that is really starting to show. I have to force myself upstairs a little harder with my arms, and bending at the knees is really becoming a chore if I am not next to something that I can pull myself up with. I am not complaining actually, since I find this whole process fascinating. I don't have any pain anymore, so that is a real plus, but I have to get some surgical procedures done. This will lead me to the first part of what I learned this time.

Well the first thing I learned since Bad Back Volume 1, is that there is a time when having a huge needle jammed into your spine, is very appealing. I mean I am a kinkoid and all, but the reasons for being happy that cortisone injections are being pumped directly into my spine is simple. I have an 80% of a full recovery with them. The new doctor told me that I am healthy as a bear except for this nagging back issue, but it was a freak occurrence and NOT congenital. Of course, when the doctor explained it all to me it still sounded like a very sadistic old form of rabies vaccines, but I was ecstatic to hear about it. You see, I am a big freaking pussy when it comes to needles (which always goes over well when the doctor sees all of my tattoos), but I am a downright coward when it comes to getting a knife. Of course a knife along your spine just gives me the chills typing this. I also faint at the sight of blood or any other sort of fluid coming out of a person, which I learned all too well when I had the bed next to my ex-wife at the birth of Darius. For Sabrina's birth I was in the waiting room reading a book, thank you very much. So as I said ... knives to back ... BAD ... Big ass needle that looks like a metal fire hose ... WOOOHOOO.

The second thing I learned is that I actually have some of that pride stuff I thought I had given up for coffee and tampons. It is a daily lesson in humility having to be the guy helped with everything over 5 pounds. For those who know me I am somewhat intelligent, but more of an oaf, and very proud of having been a big dumb grunt too. Now I end up bending at the knees to get something and being horribly out of breath from the effort it takes to stand up again. The one idiot at work who enjoyed all too well, pointing out to me how stupid I looked all the time, got fired yesterday. Seems that not only is that illegal, but my boss also didn't like living daily with the fact that this moron was a goner when I was off light duty. I guess we'll throw temper management into the list of learned things too, but humility 101 is definitely being achieved daily. The good news (I think) is I haven't really had the opportunity to see if sex would be more humiliating than normal too.

Third and most importantly, I have definitely learned who and what are important throughout all of this. The people who left due to the hard work I am having to go through have been gone a while now. The friends that I have had all along definitely have not. I often forget that there are people out there who genuinely care for me, cartoon character or not, guy with minivan who can lift heavy objects or not, shoulder to cry on or not, are still rallying around me to this day. They have been growing actually as well, since a lot of the people who were just casual friends have become closer to me than they ever were. It's not all about what I had to give, but what I still have to offer with a lot of them and what I have to offer has changed considerably over the last two months. I am very proud of the many great people in my life today, whether online or offline who have been such a great influence over me. Most of them probably don't even know it, but I am going to have the gratitude and humility to change that. ;8o)