Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Things You Learn When You Write A Blog - Volume 1

Now mind you, I fought with myself long and hard for a few days over whether I was gonna write this one or not. Entry number 10 is the perfect time. I have leaned against the third rail of what can and can not be said in public (according to very few) enough with the 9 previous entries, but I have to make a few observations. After all that is what I do for the most part in my Blog anyway, so I finally decided that this shouldn't be any different. There is a good side and a bad side to everything, and this, of course, is no different than every other action I take throughout my life. I will start with the good, but will drift at times when a learning moment ties in, because I have to be positive for my own sanity.

The most positive thing I have learned is that I might actually have a talent for writing and for being humorous, in my own way. {I of course will throw out that the few that have to knock my ego down will enjoy telling me this is not true, but as they always say ... I'm rubber, you're glue!}. Many of the people who have read my Blog have enjoyed it and have come back to read new entry's, and some of them often. Not to say that the old adage ... Say what they want and they'll be back ... Say what they hate and they'll be back often! ... hasn't applied as well, but most of the people who have found something to be angry about have only read what they were angry about, and nothing more. More funny than that is that they always get their ego gratifiers to come and read too, so that is also a plus. For lack of a better statement, I have learned that they are all pretty full of sh** anyway.

The learning just keeps on flowing, as I have also learned that there are many people out there who think like I do or have the same experiences and much hope to share with me on different things. I have been blessed to meet many wonderful people through this blog, while the nastier less appealing people simply reveal themselves as well, and I can just let them wonder if I care or not. I also can actually take credit for 6 other people starting Blogs, after reading mine! I have enjoyed reading them as much as they have enjoyed mine as well, so we will call that a plus. If that isn't enough, my daily readership includes, my ex-wife {the lesbian of course and her g/f}, a few nurses {who have in one form or another related to my candor}, my boss at work {who is even more confused about me then ever}, many friends online {because I nagged them to begin with}, a few ex-girlfriends {for good or bad}, and of course a silly princess from out west {who is almost as sick as me and will enjoy the plug}. I will outline a few of these people later in the bad things I learned ... hehehe.

Last of the good things for today, I have learned that I might actually be interesting to people who aren't after something out of me, or should I say actually interesting. Although a few of the people who have read my Blog were spying on me and wanted something to throw at me, without a doubt most of the people reading this are just curious, or better yet intrigued by what I have to say or am doing at the moment. This is a good thing for I like any other alcoholic can get mired in the feelings of "less than" just like anyone else. When I didn't do a blog entry on Monday it was because I wasn't feeling to good to be Jeremy, and people actually cared enough to ask. Put a price tag on that! Well you can't because it is priceless, but it is just a wonderful thing you learn when you share with others sometimes.

Now for some of the more notable bad things and of course some of the good things that have come out of it. I of course will start with what is most obvious, {I'm sick of the I told you so's ahead of time, thank you}, people get pissed off when you share feelings that they don't think are valid. The pissy people are now looking at that and saying "That's not it ... 'I think that you are wrong', or 'I think that you are sharing things to personal', or 'Why do you have to put that stuff in your profile?' etc etc etc" but it doesn't translate to what it really is and that is as I said, {They don't think that my feelings have any validity} and I don't care what they think ... period .... end of story {yes I learned that and it is good}. I am just like everyone else in the world. I don't want people angry at me, but ya know what? I can't change how other peoples feelings are. So I accept their validity, and move on from there.

The last paragraph was simply formed out of one statement "The first being the "famous" one which ended up with myself and the wonderful woman I was with ending up hurt pretty good. I thank God that she is doing well and (trust me) she is still the most beautiful woman who ever lived. The second being the straw that broke the camels back in it's total lunacy and complete and utter sickness on both ends." I did place both lines of that in here because it was another learning experience. Some {not all} women are very petty. Go figure, who'd have seen that one coming. That statement erupted into many arguments that culminated into fights, and others getting involved. Some were my fault, some were not. The fact of the matter is that they were both true statements, and I still stand by them. The person who is number two was furious that I called number 1 "The most beautiful woman who ever lived" more than our insane relationship that ended with me, myself, Jeremy, being very, very hurt. Let's keep in mind that I was already horribly sick of the manipulation {on both sides there as well}, that had been going rampant since the end of the relationship. Lets be honest about two things here. I could have said so many worse things that would have been caustic and done nobody any good, but I didn't. I could have used bad words, but I didn't. I could have done all of this without any care in the world since no names were mentioned, but I didn't. I summed it up honestly {and a lot of the flame throwing I could have done would have been honesty too, at least in my mind hehehe}, and with the least amount of vinegar I could muster. The first one ended very poorly, and it was, very probably, more my fault than hers, and she probably ended up more hurt than I did. Feelings have validity you know.

On the lighter side of all of this I learned that my temper is still REALLY REALLY BAD at times, since I jumped right into the playpen after a fray as well. I did it with her, her friends, and anyone else who wanted a piece ... hehehe ... The amazing part of it all was simply this ... For some weird reason, the women were incensed and just wanted to victimize, tell me my problems, and realistically tell me off ... the men were all ... Sorry didn't know, and handshakes {yes I did learn something from this as well, but I need not piss too many people off with this one}. Now since nothing was ever discussed rationally because the feelings {which have validity} were never taken into account, and I have done my best to not assume that some women just feel that men are not entitled to any feelings at all {Ok that was generalizing but I am sick ya know}. Forget the fact that the woman who was angry is still in the top 5 for beauty easily, forget that she is the sexiest woman ever {honesty} or that she had a ton of good points, you see, that was not to be discussed because, another woman was complimented. WOMEN! .... I just had to get that out, stereotypical I know. The good is simply this, I know how to read reactions a lot better than I used to. I've also learned to be wary when crossing into hostile territory.

The lighter side of the bad things I have learned is that Yahoo is making me come to Jesus on a lot of things too. Perhaps it is a good omen that I cannot "edit" Blogs that are already posted, or even delete them for that matter. I had actually thought about getting rid of the first Blog entry, but found out that I could not, just like I won't be able to get rid of this one that is going to defray a few tempers as well. I am not too worried about it all really, you see I have learned another great thing throughout all of this. The people who came here to be pissed off in the first place already are, so they haven't had any reason to come back. They simply think that the first entry was the only one that mattered and that I am a such and such. The sad news is that they believed that to begin with, and nothing I ever typed was gonna change that. I am elated to know today that my feelings have validity, and I'm running with it. ;8o)