Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Things You Learn From Your Ex Wife's Girlfriend - Volume 1


Catchy title huh? Well I have found that the best thing to come out of my last marriage has been the inclusion of my ex wife's lesbian lover. As sad as it sounds the two of them remind me of Jay and Silent Bob. The Ex saying anything and everything and her G/F simply listening and then throwing out a really intelligent observation every once in a while. Yesterday was no exception as I was sitting in downtown with a coffee, watching the business skirts (yes I have a serious yen for the women in business skirts) walk by. The day was particularly unusual in the fact that I was actually getting attention from some of the women, and even quite a few smiles. It's rather unique in my life as a cartoon character that I get attention from any women much less the hotties in the business skirts, but I was enjoying it anyway. About 30 more minutes before I have to jump in the ol' MiniVan (a big time chic magnet for sure) and pick up the kids from camp.

It was amazing how the day changes as your ex-wife and her lover (who of course as I said before is a woman also) come along to sit with you, but I have learned to be a decent ex-husband over the last year, so I offered them the seats on my bench next to me. The Ex started yammerin away at something unimportant that probably had to do with her favorite subject anyway ... HER ... while her girlfriend decided to enjoy the scenery along with me. I was still fascinated at how I could smell like sweat, look like poo, and still be fascinating to anyone. I finally had to ask my ex (who lets face it is gonna tell me if I am an ass or not pretty easily) if it was my imagination or if I was being flirted with. She told me I was an ass, and went back to her topic again. Her girlfriend on the other hand came up with some great pearls of wisdom as she said "You're having a Mojo day dude."

Now I had to ask what a Mojo Day was, and she was already there with the answer "It's just one of those days that everything you touch turns to gold. You are more attractive to others, and you probably are gonna learn a lot today." and she then added "You should take advantage of it, cuz you probably won't have another one for months."

My passive aggressive sense of humor kicked in as I said "Look what it got me the last time," this done while pointing at my ex, and the two of us broke out into laughter, which after about a minute was joined by my ex.

The clarity factor wasn't added to the mix until later when I was talking to an ex girlfriend about various problems she was having and it hit me. An epiphany that I desperately needed as she was talking to me. I finally realized something about myself that I had desperately missed and was rather excited to finally figure out. My guilt over the many wrecked romances of the past might not actually be my fault after all. I saw it through her that perhaps it might be possible that some have fallen in love with the concept of me rather than ever even knowing me at all. The fear of losing me far out weighed anything that was actually real. I in turn had done the same. My last few relationships were prime examples of this as I am pretty darn sure that I was merely a bump in the road. My guilt had been lifted all of a sudden and I had the ability to forgive. I thought that I should call my ex-wifes girlfriend for council on my breakthrough, but I figured that it might be one omen to many in one day. Even though as I look at it now, she might have sadly been the only ex that didn't get one worse than me afterward, forcing me to wonder wtf?

Well needless to say I didn't take advantage of my Mojo day, although the woman at the bus stop who told me I looked like that freak from Stone Temple Pilots yesterday told me that that was a compliment today, I figured that it was more conducive to her settling, and I am sick of either being settled for or settling with, since that is always how the ":concept of love" romances get started. Now that everything is back to normal today ... I think I'll go downtown and watch the business skirts walk by, and keep working on that goal of being a well trained old pervert someday, and not being taken seriously ;8o)